Our greatest problem is something called learned helplessness. Learned Helplessness is when we've been put through a rough situation in life and we think there is absolutely no way we can get out of it so we give up. Or this helplessness can occur when we've tried to solve a problem but we couldn't solve it so we think it cant be solved.
We have this problem in our relationships especially. Many of us don't believe that we can actually have a long happy relationship with the opposite sex. Many of us don't believe that we have the power to change our condition collectively for the better because we stay focused on our obstacles. Many of us don't believe that we have the power to change ourselves because it'll be too hard if not impossible.
This fear, this feeling of hopelessness hinders us from achieving our major goals in life and making our dreams come true. It encapsulates us in the cell of our own limited imagination to the point where we feel paralyzed and depressed every time we believe that what we really want just cant be attained.
It's a natural phenomenon though. Once a person tries something and doesn't succeed at it they shut themselves down and with each time they try, and failure arrives, they shut down a little bit more until they just stop trying. Some of us give up on the first try and some of us never try the first time.
When we get drunk and high all the time that's a clear sign we've given up and we are trying to find something to take away the pain associated with the agony of defeat. When we waist our children's college education money on worthless items at the mall, it is a means of trying to compensate for not having the confidence to do what it is right, so we need something to fix our ego, so we buy something to make us look good. It works temporarily but the feeling wears off and we continue this pattern untill we get hip to the game or until we run out of money lol. When we fight each other and blame each other excessively we've given up because anger is often a reaction to our helpless state. When we feel that we cant do something we might get angry at ourselves for not trying or for being a dissapointment. Often this anger is directed towards others that look like us and the Black on Black bullshit (like my little sister says) abounds.
So what can we do about it. We have to change our way of looking at our problems. If we try something and it doesnt work it could be realted to a variety things. The time might not have been right. We might not have said the right thing so we need to find something else that might work. The other person might be crazy lol. It could be a variety of factors that cause us temporary setbacks.
The major difference between the helpless person and the confident person is that the confident person uses the scientific method. The confident person takes a step back and assesses why it didn't work. They look at a lot of different scenarios that might have prevented them from succeeding. Then they say "how can i prevent these obstacles in the future" and they look for solutions from EXPERTS, not their momma or little brother. But from people who have been there and done that or at least studied the issues thoroughly. (And they also look to the greatest power that man has available to him,
I know it's getting long so let me finish. This statement might bother some of yall but hey I'm used to bothering people so ill say it. Every problem that you face with women or men, with your own bad habits, with your community at large has at least 10 solutions to it. However you can't get to one of those solutions unless you realize that there is at least one out there with your name on it.
Quick example, look at what the white boy has been able to accomplish within the last 300 years because he always knew that there was an answer somewhere. Do you know how long man has been trying to create a flying machine to transport them from one distance to another? THOUSANDS OF YEARS!
The white boy never gave up and now we can travel across hemispheres and to the other side of the globe in one day. But if he gave up the first few times he tried or after he saw someone crash and die then we wouldn't have this luxury would we?
Look at the space shuttle! There is no significant proof to suggest that man has traveled into outerspace prior to the middle of the 20th century. The white boy said there must be a way and he worked on that mother sucker for years until he finally created it and sent other white boys out into space and planted his flag on the moon lol.
All of these things have been accomplished in human history and yet we believe that we cant fix a relationship lol. Or we believe that we cant loose 30 pounds.
Get over learned helplessness pleaaaaaaaasee!