Friday, October 26, 2007

The greatest need a man has and how to fulfill it


The greatest need a man has is to be needed and depended on by his woman! The Spinners told you that!

He needs to feel that he's important in that woman's life before he can truly give his all to her. Most men really want to give love as much as women want to receive it. However, many men are afraid to give love because they feel they'll be rejected when they try to do so.

Of course, the number one reason why brothers don't give as much love as they should is because they simply haven't been carefully taught how to do so.

In order to learn anything new you have to have models. If those models are nowhere to be found, then it becomes very difficult to cultivate that new habit. Everyone needs examples.

Some feminists out there might say "well, why should I make him feel that I need him when I really don't." The concise answer to that question is: you want a man that makes you happy so you can brag about him to your friends, don't you?

Some things are optional in a relationship and some things are mandatory. If you don't try to fulfill the man's basic needs, like his need to see his woman pleased with him, his need to be trusted to do his best , and his need to be appreciated for doing what he can; you are going to have problems with him.

A man only does something again and again if he thinks he's being appreciated for it. If he doesn't get at least an emotional reward (a smile, a hug, or a thank you) he rarely repeats that behavior unless it's necessary.

If a man feels that his money, personality, quality time, good acts, etc. aren't needed, he won't give his best to see that these things are acceptable to her. He might not give anything at all!

It seems unfair that women have to always stroke the ego of their man in order to get them to do what they should do already. However, if you make him feel good every time he does something good for you, you'll have a man that's willing to walk through fire to give you continuous joy.

Certainly, the need to validate his ego with a reward whenever he does something nice won't be as necessary in the future if you train him early enough. That training has to happen though, if you want a man that's on your side no matter what.

Men stop caring about their partner's feelings when they are not shown appreciation for their work. Men only do what's necessary. If they go above and beyond the call of duty, they want the woman to acknowledge it. If she doesn't, he becomes resentful and often stops going that extra mile to make her happy, because he thinks it's not having the desired effect.

He doesn't realize that a woman appreciates the big things he does just as much as the little things. No more, no less. Guys need to learn that when they do big things like remain faithful to his woman, (especially in this day and age) work all day and come home to her, they mean the same as doing something small.

There's so much we need to learn about each other. If we start with the premise that men and women think differently from each other, then we can go a long way in enhancing our relationships.

To conclude, in order to make his woman happy a man needs to be appreciated for everything he does. Ladies you gotta suck it up, because if you can put aside your ego and stroke his for just a little while, you'll have a man that'll be willing to do anything for you because he knows that he'll get, as his prize, your unconditional love. And this is what he wants most of all.


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6 comments:

Jasmine said...

This is also impressive.

You're absolutely right that men need to feel validated and women, want more than anything to give that to her man. I know I do. I want my boyfriend to feel like he is the most incredible man in the world, because I happen to think he is, but it can be really hard. Differnt things trigger different people and men fail to realize that the big things, like staying faithful coming home, etc are not only a "big" thing, it's an expected thing to make a relationship work. The small things, like rubbing my back, telling me I look good or that I'm sexy, are the extras we really love...

James Tubman said...

thank you for stoping by miss jasmine

you're right it should be expected

men should do the big things and the little things to make a woman happy

but he doesn't realize that if he does these things he'll be happier too becuse she'll do what she can to make him happy

MysTery said...

I think this goes both ways. At least as far as I am concerned.


Good post.

Eb the Celeb said...

Just going threw the archives on the saturday morning. Thanks for the advice. I think we as women all know this but its really gonna take me to hear it from someone else, and humble myself to get their. Especially when you dont yet know if initially if this is the type of guy worthy of stroking their ego. This is hard because when do you initially start all this. If you wait until your in a committed relationship, will it really ever get there, if you do it too soon and then find out he's a prick, its good gestures wasted. But I feel you and will definitely take heed.

entrylevelliving said...

Great post. One of the things that I struggle with is realizing that financial success does not eliminate the basic necessities for healthy relationship; mainly that people need to feel appreciated, needed, and loved. My ability to pay my bills has nothing to do with my desire to be held at night. The boardroom and bedroom (not in a sexual sense) require two different set of skills: what works in one will not work in the other.

I am J said...

Always making me think..I love that.

This is good stuff.

Almost common sense, yet we need to hear it/read it often.