Many of us walk around with a profound fear of intimacy. The fear of intimacy is basically being petrified, horrified, terrified of actually telling another human being how we really feel. When we want love and we are afraid to ask for it is what a fear of intimacy really is.
Why do we have problems telling someone how we really feel? We might fear that we will not get what we ask for. We might fear that we will be humiliated by another person if we put our real feelings out there. We might fear that somebody will disapprove of something that we say and as a result think less of us. We might feel that we will get physically or emotionally abused if we say how we really feel.
A person who has a fear of intimacy often likes people and has relationships with those who don’t really like them very much (I think this is why we call ourselves niggers and bitches so much). A person who has a fear of intimacy, in some cases doesn’t even respect someone if they actually like them.
People who have a strong fear of intimacy feel like they are the worst person on earth. They feel like they are a bad and unlovable person at the core of who they are. They don’t believe that they are worthy of true love, they also believe that anyone who is foolish enough to love them is crazy.
This comes from our past. As a child we were completely dependent on others for survival. When we asked for something from the ones who were supposed to take care of us and they made us feel sad, disappointed or guilty for asking them then we learned, in most cases, not to ask. This mentality has filtered over into our adult lives. Many of us have been taught to constantly keep up appearances. We’ve learned to fake like we have everything going right for ourselves in order to hide how sad and vulnerable we really are.
This is a big problem in our relationships. So what do we do about it?
#1: Lighten Up
Realize its okay to express your real self. If people around you make you feel bad about you being you then maybe you should get away from them and find people who like you for who you are.
#2: Find Safe People To Open Up To
Blogging is good for this reason. Internet chat rooms are good. It's best to open up to strangers because your close family or friends might use this information against you (consciously or unconsciously). A stranger doesnt care about you anyway so their opinion shouldnt matter.
#3: Practice Being Honest With Yourself
Try to get to the root of who you really are. Take sometime alone without anything to distract you and just practice telling yourself in your own mind how you really feel about things that are going on in your life or that have transpired in your past. If negative feelings come up be thankful that you can finally get this stuff out of your system. Warning: If you ae not honest with yourself this can lead to not so good conclusions.
#4 Realize That You Are Not A Bad Or Unlovable Person
People who suffer from a fear of intimacy think that they are bad people. No person is either bad or good, they are who they have been conditioned to be by their genetics and environment. You are a great human being and you are worthy of someone who loves you! You have to really believe that.
#5 Read The Book "Psychology of Winning" By Dennis Waitley
Its about the differences between winners and losers in life and how to become a winner.