Friday, October 26, 2007

The #1 reason why our relationships fail

Remember that special relationship when no matter what you did, you could always make up with the person, and they would forget about the bad things that happened? Making up was the fun part wasn't it? It seemed like you could've done anything to make this person angry, and they would always be there no matter what.

This went on for a while. You didn't appreciate what you had. You took them for granted, and eventually they got tired of it and moved on to somebody else. And when they got tired, you felt hurt and betrayed, because you thought they would always be there no matter how much you upset them. It really took you by surprise when they actually had the nerve to leave you or even cheat on you.

This is what people do when they feel like they give and give and give and don't get much in return.

The number one reason why any relationship fails is because we don't" VALUE" what we have when we have it.

In order to truly love or value anyone you have to imagine them not being in your life. You have to realize, that at any given time, something could happen to them. How would you feel knowing that your last moment spent with them was one where you didn't show them how much you really appreciated them? It hurts even thinking about it.

People don't respect what they take for granted. This is why we have problems in our own lives. We just assume that our boss will always need us to work for them. Or we just assume that we'll always have the basics in life like running water, gas and electric and a stable government.
You never know what might happen tomorrow. And that is precisely why you never take advantage of the one who treats you good because that goodness could be lost at any time.

If you are the person that is not being appreciated in the relationship you should limit their access to you whenever you feel as if you're not being appreciated by them! Cut them off for a while!

This might be hard to do for some. We'll discuss in a later piece what to do when we have a hard time pulling ourselves away from someone we're obsessed with.

For those of us who can do this now, before you take this measure, make sure that you warn them in advance before you cut them off. If they continue to do the same thing over and over again, you have no choice.
Also, before you cut them off, and after you cut them off, let them know exactly what you want from them in order to make things right . This is very important. Most of us aren't mind readers, and sometimes we have to be specific in describing what we want.

So if you want your man to stop gawking at passing women, tell him how you feel, regardless of how you think he might act. If he persists, cut him off and let him know that you want that behavior to stop or else. (Sorry brothers, but we gotta respect the ladies.)

When you get to the point where you "actually" love this person and they love you, you won't have to play the games as much.
But if somebody slips in the future, using this method will get them to act right, fast!

stop settling for less in your relationships. you have the power to change your partner for the better. if you have an open mind don't be afraid to click here to learn more.

4 comments:

P9k said...

Hi Bro. James,

I thank you 4 doing what seems to be the least done in our community-providing an outlet/forum for healing.

In our community , too many of us want to throw in the towel with one another (causing hurt feelings and distrust-I can testify, because I've been the recipient and the giver), we are quick to anger and slow to 4give, are condemning and condescending and we can be filled with too much pride.

We have to heal from hurt caused by us and caused by white people, which is difficult to do in a system that reinforces our pain on both ends of the spectrum.

Keep up the great work brother. I will be checking in from time to time.

Peace


-POET9000

Poetic Goddess Tara Shenéa said...

Awesome advice and great food for thought. Thanks for sharing. ~Shenea

MysTery said...

Good words!

poet9000 said...

Thanks Shenea & MysTery,

I appreciate the complements