Thursday, October 25, 2007

How to make a woman happy during her most difficult times

Women are very different from men. She can be the most understanding empathetic person on earth, but when she's feeling down those nurturing feelings go right out the window.

Even though she might be even-keeled most of the time, eventually she gets to the point where she has to express her negative emotions or crazy things start happening (withholding of sex, addictions come up and so forth). By the way, all women regardless of skin color go through this phase, so don't just blame it on the Black woman.

If we as men can listen to her and be supportive and understanding when she inevitably goes through these difficult times, she'll be a happy woman and she'll be very, very grateful for it.

As expressed above, women go through phases during their lives. Most of the time she's very loving, always looking for opportunities to give, and patient when it comes to dealing with her man. There does come a time, however, when she feels as if she gives too much of herself. At this point, she becomes empty and unable to give anything else.

This is when the over generalizations come out, (you always do this, you never do that). This is when the littlest thing you do causes a huge catastrophic reaction in her (turning on the TV when she's talking or forgetting to take out the garbage).

This is when she needs you the most.

Now when men feel down we typically try to forget about our problems. We watch TV, go to the bar to have a drink or hang out with the fellas to get our minds off of our issues. Once we find a solution we're back to normal.

Women have to talk about how bad the problem is in order to feel better . It is what it is. So what should we do to make a woman happy when they feel sad, desperate, insecure, and a host of other feelings? One word: LISTEN! Listen to her without trying to give her a solution!

I repeat: DON'T TRY TO SOLVE HER PROBLEMS (unless she asks)! We often make this mistake because man's nature is to solve problems. Women don't like this. All she wants to do is talk about the problem so she can feel worse. And once she hits bottom, (she'll probably start crying, and talking about how bad things are, and so forth) then, and only then, will she spring back to life and be the loving, giving person she once was.

Men normally do one of three things during this period. They try to give a solution. They get defensive and start saying things like, "well I don't always do this" or "this doesn't always happen" and a big argument breaks out. Or they simply lose interest in what she's saying, turns on the TV, or does something else to show her that he's really not listening.

It's a natural reaction, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Technically you're still solving her problem. You're just solving it by saying nothing as opposed to doing something.

The only thing you have to do is ask her to talk about the problem. LISTEN INTENTLY while she's going on about it, and show her that you might not understand, but you are there for her no matter what! By listening I mean saying nothing in your head while she's talking.
When she's at this point she'll generally complain about the same things each time. Nod your head, don't say anything and wait . It'll be over soon.

Some guys just can't sit there and listen, because it's too depressing, or because they're going through hard times themselves. If you gotta go, go. But when you feel better listen to her, because if she's happy, you're happy. And believe me you want her happy instead of the other way around.

Sometimes we don't want to be there for her because we might feel as if she's not there for us. If you can prefect this skill though, you will have a happy woman who's there for you. I can't emphasize this enough.

stop settling for less in your relationships. you have the power to change your partner for the better. if you have an open mind don't be afraid to click here to learn more.


Anonymous said...


PanaLady said...

I just came across your blog and think this post (and your others) and on point! Look forward to reading more of your work and thoughts in 2008.

MysTery said...

Hmmm...this is interesting because my sig other acts the way you say women tend to act when they are down...ain't that a trip!?

James Tubman said...

yes that is a trip lol

sometimes roles get reversed

and we act like the opposite sex in the relationship

i'm not saying this is the case with him but role reversal is common sometimes

it comes when we aren't being challeneged

Kimby said...

Funny, this is like what we (ladies) go through when guys talk about sports, at least those of us that aren't into

I find that it DOES really help to pretend to be listening when they go on about so and so not catching the ball or missing that other thing.

Cheers to learning to understand each other!!

Lucy Chihandae said...

'Nod your head, don't say anything and wait . It'll be over soon.'
lol sounds like some painful adivse to men, it really got me, fyunny