Wednesday, January 9, 2008

How to know if they really did it, or not!

No matter who we are, how much money we have, how much people like us, how tough we are or whatever: There will always be those out there who will try to deceive us by acting one way when they're really about something else. It's inevitable. There is, however, something you can do to instantly know what this person is up to (if they are in fact up to something). If you want to know anything about any person (whether somebody cheated, stole, lied or whatever) this formula, if used right, can tell you what you need to know. First a word about what you shouldn't do. When we get a hunch that somebody may be doing something they have no business doing, we typically confront them, and ask them straight out what we want to know. This is troublesome because if the person isn't involved in any tricky activity they may feel disrespected or hurt, and the relationship might suffer.

Instead of going the frontal route, this strategy will teach you how to sneak through the back door.

If you believe that someone is involved in a particular act:


You can use a real life story or make something up.
Example. If you think that your man might be cheating on you, you can say something like "you know, I think my girlfriends man is cheating on her. She says he's doing this and that (what you think he's doing to show that he may be cheating). What do you think she should do about it?"
As you talk about the issue, you might see him exhibit certain body movements that are puzzling to you (we'll talk about this shortly).
If he's Innocent he'll probably
  1. ask questions about the guy
  2. show an interest by getting involved in the conversation
  3. be glad that you came to him for advice and openly give it
However, if he's guilty he'll probably
  1. avoid direct eye contact
  2. try to assure you that he would never do anything like that (why is he trying to assure you if he's not even thinking about doing it)
  3. seem nervous or fidgety
  4. try to change the subject

Just to note, this works for guys too. Women display the same signs (sorry ladies).

Like I said, this can be used in any situation.

If you think somebody stole something from you. You can say to the person, who you think might have stolen it, something like, "somebody stole my (blank). It looks like they did this and that (what you think she might have done). What should I do to find out who it was?"

Remember the chart from above. If they perform at least two behaviors in the innocent category, then they probably didn't do it. If they perform at least three in the guilty category, well.

I know this formula worked for me. Sometimes I didn't even intend to get information but I got it anyway because I brought up a taboo subject. The person avoided eye contact, seemed nervous and tried to change the subject (the triple whammy).

Note: it's best to do this in person. I did it over the phone and couldn't exactly tell.

This little trick might seem flaky or a little weird but try it. Play with it a little bit. You might be impressed with the results.

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Anonymous said...

Great post. I agree with everything you said. This is the method i go with. I'm the type of person who always have eye contact with people.. its a habit but perfect way of catching sticky fingers...

oh, i'm in some serious trouble too when a dude is trying to play a girl.. At least they know not to even try cause they always get caught... :D

James Tubman said...

@lil sis...girl you are quick on the draw

i just put this up a few minutes ago

most brothers don't have any clue about this technique so it's easy to get them

the sisters are a little tougher but eventually they come around too

whenever you feel a certain way the body has to express it

the body doesn't lie

MsPuddin said...

Is that cheating question rhetorical?

That pic of OJ is busted.

And body language is important. Once someone has something made up in their mind whether it’s the truth or a lie, they are sticking to it.

desperate lady said...

James apology not accepted, dont mind me boo.
Lovely post, i really needed this advice and will be practising it soon. Good job hun
O and i miss u too, *wink*

Mizrepresent said...

Nice post. The question and answer session will surely determine...but there are always tell-tell signs...and of course that intuition...we know!

Divine Blackness said...

Love this post. And that picture of OJ is hilarious. Trecia, you ain't neva lie, chile!

And you can usually tell an MFer is lyin' when they say "Uhhhh..." 23 times in 3 minutes, start stuttering or being a sentence with "What had happened was...."

Caught fo'.

Cluizel said...

Good...makes sense to me. :-)

fantasy queen said...

i'm so good at using the system, altho sometimes i get my conclusions all wrong, cos people behave uncomfortable when certain topics are discussed, not cos they are guilty at that piont, but cos it brings back a memory of what they might have done or experienced or whatever...

i could never get caught though, i could stare u down even at my guilty state...unless i want to be caught.

Xhale said...

Interesting post. I'm going to try in on a friend.

Anonymous said...

I love it! I have to reference this in my blog.

Afrobabe said...

Nice rules and stuff but believe me, because Men dont even usually have a reason for cheating he/they can look you straight in the eyes and lie like hell....

My rule...act like you dont care...seems to work.

James Tubman said...

@mspuddin...i found this little tip in a book called "get anyone to do anything" by david lieberman

he's a psychologists and he quoted from psychological studies

you can't fool people with your body unless you have the concentration level of a buddhist monk

there's always going to be some kind of indication

@db...when i lie i can't even look you in the face

that's why i never cheat cuz i know i'll neva get away with it

@fantasy eyes...that's true

but even if they are uncomfortable about the subject they still might get involved in the conversation or something

most aren't just gonna sit there and look crazy

and about you not getting caught

you can't fool me

i could see through you comming a mile away lol

@b more bap... wow

i can't believe i'm talking to a real life princess lol

i am very happy that you stoped by

us b-more peeps gotta stick together

@afro...god i hate it when women act like they don't care

that really gets on my nerves

i guess i'm just jealous because i wish i could act that way when i'm mad as hell

Ms. Behaving said...

This is some great advice. [I'll have to give this one a try].

Opinionated Diva said...

I don't know about men (men don't seem to be as intuitive), but I think women always have the "feeling" that something isn't quite right when their man is cheating or behaving inappropriately and on the verge of cheating.

These rules are interesting though...and yeah, trying this over the phone isn't as effective. You need to be able to look in to their beady little eyes!

Anonymous said...

Man oj didn't do it! lol

One Man’s Opinion said...

Interesting, Tubman. Very interesting.

Eb the Celeb said...

Good stuff... very good stuff

why couldnt you have let me know this a couple years ago... would have saved me a lot of anguish!

Anonymous said...

thanks for the recommendation. i crave knowledge to the point where I can't get enough.. (sounds so wrong lol) but I'll let you know when i get that book.. thanks big brother :D

anonymous gal said...

im a pro at the hypotetical story. but i do it just to make the guilty party feel remorseful.

Shai said...

Great post. I know I messed up with this one guy when I did not take into account the red flags. I doubted my gut and pushed on. I blamed myself for the things he did to me when really it was him and all his lies and whatnot.

James Tubman said...

@op diva...beady little eyes. lol

men are idiots because we've been taught how to be dumb by televison

but i don't think women are as "intuitive" as they think they are

@dap... the glove didn't fit

i followed the case a little bit and the police officer furmen involved in the case somehow hated interacial relationships between black men and white women

he was caught on tape calling black people niggers

if i was the judge i would've sopeana'd him's a nice little trick

you'd be surprised what you might learn if you look hard for certain information

@anonymous... see that's shame's not your fault sweetheart you didn't know how to deal with it

it was his loss anyway

Nicole said...

Give them enough rope and they'll hang themselves. Previous mistakes in judgment have taught me to follow my gut...if something tells you they're lying, they probably are. Thanks JT.

The Paradigm said...

love this post so true!!...

Ticia said...

I will make sure to remember these!! Thanks--

First time here!

Opinionated Diva said...

but of course we are James!

Muze said...

man i can't wait to try this out. lol.

great post.

Ms. emmotions said...

hmmm, i guess i will have to try this..

nice read,


Queen of My Castle said...

Loved this post. Did a research on body lanuage for a class a few years back. Other tell-tell signs of lying are touching the nose chin or any part of the face, clenching fists, putting hands in pockets, and being overly humorous or sarcastic.

nikki said...

this is a great entry. i prefer the direct route, but it seems like when it comes to 'catching someone in the move' it has to be done on the slick.

i've done that 'cheating' inquiry really does work. luckily for me, he wasn't cheating. i'm glad i read this i know how to lie without getting caught. just make eye contact, be confident, and feign interest without changing the subject...

Xhale said...

update please :)

James Tubman said...

@queen... it's interesting material

@nikki... you can't use it like that

i forbid you

now you got me thinking that others might have used it in that way too

desperate lady said...

Hey babe what's up? Ur gonna update soon aren't ya?
Look I have 2 b 1st on ur nxt post, what r we gonna do about that?

Opinionated Diva said...

I agree with Desperate's time for a new post Tubby! Tubz? The Tub Man? No? lol - I have to be different, I can't just call you James.

TILshopgirl said...

GREAT POST - so true. I think you can still see guilty and innocent actions when you go direct BUT the indirect route does give you more information. Will be checking out that liebrman book.

Afrodite said...

Mr. Tubman,

Funny that you posted such a blog...

I actually found out a guy that I'm seeing hasn't been forthcoming with certain information in his life. I don't want to confront him but I think your approach is genius.

KreativeMix said...

Right on point again!!!!

Fezzzzzzzzzzz said...

Well...I'm gonna try it for sure :-)

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