Friday, December 26, 2008

23 Characteristics Your Woman Should Have In Order To Be A Great Wife

This didnt actuallly come from me this time.

This list came from a book called "The Black Man's Guide To Understanding The Woman" by Shahrazad Ali.

This book is chock full of insights into how to understand the modern day black woman, her likes and dislikes, her deepest desires and her fears, her tastes her passions.

Its really an eye opener for any guy who ever wondered why a woman would do certain things in a relationship with you.

Its also for a woman who ever wondered why she does what she does at times.

Ali is relentless in her criticisms of the modern day black woman.

She caught a lot of flack from black women all over this country when she first put this book out in the early 90's.

Let me just give you the first page in her book:

The Black Man and Woman Have A Problem

They Do Not Get Along

Before The Black Man Can Devise A Solution

He Must Know The Components Of The Problem

The First Factor Is That The Black Woman Is Out Of Control

She Does Not Submit To Guidance By Her God Given Mate The Blackman

Her Intention To Overpower And Subdue The Blackman

Is Motivated By Her Several Factors

The Most Prevalent Being Her Self Inflicted

Nearly Psychotic Insecurity

Her Disrespect For The Black Man Is A Direct Cause

Of The Destruction Of The Black Family

Needless to say this is quite a begininng to the start of a provocative conversation about what makes the modern day black woman tick.


If yu dont listen to this then one of them will eventually drive you crazy lol.

But anyway here are signs that a Black Woman will possibly make a good wife:

1) She is attentive and a good listener.

2) She enjoys going partying but has an equally good time at home.

3) She will have a strong spiritual commitment that helps her distinguish right from worng.

4) She will be partially modest in her style of dress.

5) She will like babies and children and include them in her life.

6) She enjoys cooking and preparing special meals or treats for the black man.

7) She will respect her parent, his parents and older people.

8) She has good personal hygeine.

9) She does not wear a ton of makeup.

10) She is proud of her man and claims him no matter who is present.

11) She keeps her house at least half way clean.

12) She is not a flagrant spender and almost manages her money

13) She is trustful and freely expresses her sexuality and desires when in private with her man.

14) She shares voluntarily offers help when she can.

15) She does not hold gridges too long and will apologize when wrong.

16) She will go out of her way to do special things for the black man.

17) She will speak good of him when he is not around.

18) She will defend him against verbal attacks from others

19) She does not show out or curse loudly in public.

20) she smiles when she meets him.

21) She controls her anger and does not go wild when angry.

22) She will take instructions on somethings without being combative.

23) She is respectful of Black men in general.

This is just a guideline to get a converstaion started about this topic.

I would definately consider this list if i was about to marry a woman.


Abujamaiden said...

Whoever wrote the guide to a black woman is generalizing. Not all black people are the same. Maybe American blacks (i dunno) but certainly not from my group of West African blacks.

Like me saying women want to 'wait till marriage' because thats what I want to do. Or all women want to marry a guy who doesn't ask for sex because thats what I want.

There will forever be those kinda books anyway so I can't complain, I'll just start working on my own book.

Happy Holidays.

James Tubman said...

i was talking about the american black woman (some not all)

the one thing ive learned about my intercations with the black woman is that it takes one to know one

most will not be honest with you unless you pry and ask lots of questions

or unless you ask females who know them

Anonymous said...


Compliments of the season.

Jarrai said...

Seasons greetings and happy new year in advance :)

Tia's Real Talk said...

Very interesting. Here are a few on the list that I have struggled with. The others 19 I have no problem with. 19 out of 23 not bad. lol

2, I'm not into partying anymore. I'd rather be at home or out with my family.

6, I hate cooking (childhood issue) but I honestly like cooking and trying new recipes for my hubby's satisfaction.

11, My home is clean except my 4yr old and 9yr lil boys room. (does that count against me?)

15, My grudges are getting better, I dont hold on to things all day anymore. 20mins tops and I'm cool like it never happened.

Anonymous said...

I fail to see how this applies to black women only. Pretty much all of these attributes should apply to anyone seeking a mate, regardless of gender.

Anonymous said...

I might have to send this out as a questionnaire. Good info.

Anonymous said...

The behavior of black women runs the spectrum just like everyone else.

The God of Bacon has spoken.

Just...Toluwa said...

hmmm, interesting...does it mean a woman is nt to be married if she does nt fit into ALL the aforementioned criteria?

James Tubman said...

@rethots... thank you my brother

have happy holidays as well

@jarai... you too sweetheart

@tia... i have no doubt in my mind that you are a great wife

you should give a seminar on how to be a great wife

im sure you definately know more than i do

the thing i like most about you is your sense of humor and your cool, calm, playful attitude

the woman who wrote this said that a woman with a sense of humor is worth her weight in gold

some things just shouldnt be taken so seriously

keep being you tia

@anonymous... that may be true

but i dont know too many straight guys who like to wear make up lol

you know what

i dont think that you are right

i think men have different responsibilitis than women

women need to make sure the children are well taken care of and the men need to focus most of their attention on protecting and providing for the community

i think if the men are for the most part fullfilling this responsibilty then it shouldnt be a problem for women to do these simple things

im kind of jamming to a tune right now so i might not make too much sense lol

thanks for stopping by though

keep coming back

give me an email if you want, we can talk further

@freeman... this is a thing that men dont understand and i didnt understand it until i started reading on relationships

women look to men for leadership

they want us to lead them in the right direction because in most cases they cant do it themselves

they need us to dictate their lives and set limits to their behavior

but in order for us to do this we need to be upright "race men"

ill talk more about this in another post

James Tubman said...

@freeman2... i also learned this from the hughes brothers documentary American Pimp LOL

i dont agree with a lot of pimp philosophies but some of things they said made sense

@the bacon goddess... that may be true but there are certain things that the black woman pick up from the older women in their lives and from TV that stay with them forever

i will do another post about this later

trust me your godliness

you wouldnt want to miss it

@just toluwa... i think that most women can be trained to have these characteristics

if the man rewards the woman everytime she performs these behaviors and punishes her whenever she doesnt then he will go a long way in training her correctly

thaank you for stopping by

Buttercup said...

i dont particularly have any issues with the list, of course, most of the things r relative..

i'd really love to see the list for black men!

Candice said...

This list is not race specific - the cusp of it is simple: be kind and considerate to your mate. Why should a "Black Man" be the only recipient of this type of treatment?

This is where the supposed divide exists. BW and BM will squash a lot of the issues between them when they grow up enough to realize BOTH have issues and BOTH have needs that require being addressed. Stop demonizing each other and recognize you're in the friggen boat together.

Deborrah Cooper said...

Were you aware of the subsequent retraction of most of the statements in this book by Ali in the early 2000s? She renounced her assassination of the Black female - seeing as how she is one, it makes sense. The bottom line is that a man who carries himself as a King and respects his community, his body, himself and his woman will be treated with Kingly respect by all who meet him. A man that is a slacker, a cop out artist, weak, whiney, lazy and flakey will be treated like the knucklehead he is. Bottom line, sistahs of strength and conviction have no time for such males and have no problem telling them about themselves. But if that doesn't describe YOU, it shouldn't be a problem. Generalizing negative attributes about Black men or women is counterproductive to the struggle.