Friday, February 27, 2009

The 4 essential elements every relationship needs daily to succeed and grow (how to love the person right that you say you love)

Long term relationships and marriages can be tough if you dont have the right information.

Especially in this day and age.

Many of us have serious issues that prevent us from getting close to the one we say we love.

Always fighting or trying to act like we arent affected by the other person's behavior.

Denying each other the love and understanding we so desperately need.

I can understand why so many men (and especially women) are scared of being involved in a long-term relationship.

They should be.

Dont give up hope yet though.

There are things we can do to bring back that loving feeling we had with the one we are presently with.

These four elements from dr. greg smalley's "hidden keys to loving relationships" is a very good start to get us back on that road to love (or at least keep us in that state).

#1 Everyday reassure your mate that you are commited to them

Now of course these techniques should be employed by those who have been in a long term realtionship and is thinking about continuing it further, or in a marriage (if you say this in the begining the other person is going to RUN (they are going to be OUT!).

Many problems and arguments sprout up in our interactions with each other because somebody in the relationship feels insecure.

Somebody feels worried that the other isnt commited to them fully or that they arent receiving the love and attention they believe they are dishing out.

A good way to do this is just to tell your partner every once in a while that "baby, i am committed to you, and i want you to know that i love you and i am willing to do anything to make this relationship/marriage work."

Knowing that the person we want to be there for us is there to show us love whenever we need it is very gratifying and satisfying.

It gives us some motivation to do more things for our mate just to make them smile.

They will appreciate that warm and loving gesture from us but this message has to be constantly reinforced by our behavior so we have to keep this in mind.

#2 Everyday take at least an hour to have some meaningful communication

This is very important and it cant be emphasized enough.

We have to talk to each other more.

Now many of us talk through radiation machines (cell phones) and text message each other but when we are in each others presence we might communicate but it might not be meaningful.

Now what is this thing the white boy calls "meaningful communication."

Well, maybe just sharing our feelings with each other is a start (as long as its not in a psychopathic, homicidal maniac type fashion).

Talking about ordinary things that happen in the day, talking about pleasant events that are coming up in the future is nice.

Many women actually like talking about an up and coming pleasant event more than actually doing it (there's so much we have to learn about these people).

Sometimes just talking about televison shows or the news or the weather is a great way to show the object of our affection that we are feeling them.

WARNING: If our partner is really trying to have meaningful communication dont discourage them when they make mistakes.

It's not good and it often prevents our lover from trying again to correct the mistakes that may be present in our relationship.

#3 Set time out for fulfilling romantic and emotional experiences

This can be a number of things and many dont require any money.

Candlelight dinners are nice.

Walking barefoot through the park or at the beach.

Going out to dinner, taking a hike in the forest, taking a mini-road trip, going to a workshop on relationships (this is a good one).

Going to a museum, taking a walk at the local harbor or pier (use your imagination or just look all over the web copying ideas from others).

There are a number of things we can do everyday or a few times a week to really spice things up a little in the romance department.

Women are desperately lacking romance (and it is understandable given the way they treat men) so if you give her some on a regular basis she might appreciate it (give her something to brag about and she'll love it).

#4 Touch her in a loving way at least 8-12 times a day

I just learned this but 80% of a womans need in a relationship is to be hugged, caressed and touched in a loving caring and non-sexual way (of course they need men for other things but this is what they want romantically).

They want to be held, hugged and adored with warm, pleasing physical touch because it shows them that you actually care about them.

They need to be held a lot somake sure you do this often.

Dont fake your affection though because they will resent you for it.

Just realize that you need a happy woman around because this woman might be responsible for raising your children and you dont want her taking something out on your child that they really wanted to do to you so be careful.

I definately think that these are some good tips that both men and women should use.

Here's hoping somebody is successful in the application of these methods.


Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

sounds good to me folk

Lindah said...

Great tips but can they work in long-distance relationships?

theicequeen said...

oooh thankyouthankyouthankyou :P this is totally going into that handbook i'm making for future love interests, because i am NOT planning to waste wonderful time tryna silently "hint" him, lol...ths is so spot on!!...and then i have a lot to learn from it too...

MysTery said...


lulu said...


Tia's Real Talk said...

Looong time no hear dude. Sorry I've been MIA..I just moved into my brand new home and have been super busy.

#2 and #4 are almost impossible for me. Hubby works 12 hour shifts!! What do you suggest then? lol

eizzy.k said...

its all about effective communication...totally agree!

though i think it's a little different in long distance relationships b'cuz you cant touch them physically, tho u still gotta communicate!

Anonymous said...

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