Sunday, May 18, 2008

Flashback: How to never make the same mistake in life again

We all make the same mistakes again and again.

Most of the time it's something simple like forgetting our keys or tripping over an object.

Sometimes it's a little more serious than that.

Some of us continuously make the same devastating mistakes in our relationships and in other important situations in life.

As a result, we're left to deal with the pain and suffering of our decisions.

This is understandable but thankfully curable.

Many of us have heard the old Albert Einstein quote that the essence of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result.

Very nice. But the white boy never explained why we continuously make the same mistakes time and time again.

So why do we continue to do the same thing over and over again knowing that it's the wrong thing to do?

Because we don't learn from it.

Well, how do you learn from your mistakes?

Now that is the question that has to be answered!90% of all decisions we make in life we make with our emotions or feelings.

We rarely make a decision based on logic or cause and effect.In other words, before you make a decision you should base that decision on the consequences of that action.

But many of us make decisions out of an emotional attachment without ever thinking of the consequences.

This is why many of us make destructive decisions in life and struggle until we die.

The trick is to use your emotions, but use them in a way in which the consequences, or the potential consequences are apparent.Take Gina for example.

Gina has a thing for abusive no good men.

She knows that they're only gonna treat her like dirt but she has an emotional and sometimes physical attachment that's possessed her into thinking she can't break free.

We've already talked about ways to dis-obsess yourself with someone, but she still hasn't been able to break this attachment because it's rooted deep within her.

Is she destined to live a life totally dependent on the whims of dangerous men?

Or is there something that can be done to stop this?

Whenever you want to stop making the same mistake, focus on the worst case scenario that can come out of that mistake.

So if she has problems with these men she should take about five to ten minutes (maybe more)to think about just how bad things can get if she goes down this road again.

She can think about this man potentially being a down low brother and infecting her with aids, or running off with her money, or laughing hysterically with his friends about how he played her or some other bad situation to remind her of why she shouldn't go down this road again.

Not only do you focus on this hypothetical but you actually imagine that it's actually happening!

Imagine how the scent that's in the air smells when this event is taking place.Imagine how someones face might look when this event is going on.

Bathe yourself in the experience, close your eyes and actually live it out in your mind.

That way, when you wake up and find out that you can avoid this incident with just a simple decision, you'll be thankful that you had the courage not to make that decision.

This works with anything big or small.If we know that the vast majority of our decisions are going to be made with our emotions than it's best to associate negative emotions with those decisions that are undesirable.

If we know it's no good for us it's best to do this.Focusing on the benefits is also a key motivating factor, but thinking about the worst case scenario is effective also because it's absolutely frightening when done right.

Be careful, this is a powerful technique.But if you can master this technique, you'll never make the same mistake twice.

stop settling for less in your relationships. you have the power to change your partner for the better. if you have an open mind don't be afraid to click here to learn more.


Anonymous said...

was this because I asked u a question in which u didn't answer?

ok thanks .... i got it.

James Tubman said...

what if it was

will you actually do it lol

Anonymous said...

shame shame shame... i think i already did... but your James Tubman.. why the heck not.. it wouldn't be the same if i couldn't but you every now and then...

karrie b. said...

i totally agree...u can only get treated like shit in a relationship if u allow the person to.

we need to stop settling...


soupasexy said...

yes, we need to stop settling for aint worth it.

anonymous gal said...

another nice one from the in house shrink.

Don said...

good post. i am up on this. i can honestly say that i will never ever make the same mistake in my next real relationship that i made in my last. i probably make mistakes, but i'm not cheating on my woman ever again. that is my greatest downfall.

thanks for the reminder. lol. seriously, thanks.

James Tubman said...

@dlee2... yes you did

what do you want

a cookie

@KB... thanx for stoping by once again

even though i don't always think that "settling for less" is the best thing to do, i believe wholeheartedly that you can't change anybody

but you can surely give them a lot of positive rewards for changing


@soup gurl... sorry about the name

i give everybody nicknames

what is "less" in the modern day black women's opinion

i don't know

but because i love blak women to death

i definately want to know because i don't want to fit this description

@why we gotta be anonymous...

thanx boo

hope you are doing great and i hope you have more to say in the future lol

@don the poet... it's hard sometimes because many people don't want to experience what i call "necessary" pain

but i don't think that you can really feel strong bouts of happiness until you feel the low depths of pain

i don't think you can really appreciate what you have until you realise that things could always be worse

thanx homie

Anonymous said...

lol @ what do you want a cookie

Sure, make it oatmeal raisin and we GOOD!

on the real, I understand how you operate. Lessons learned.

LG said...

stop settling for less in your relationships.....- well written and understood, lol!!!

*how u?*

James Tubman said...

@dlee3... don't talk about oatmeal raisins

i loooooooove oatmeal raisins

who the heck thought to boil a pot of oatmeal, put some raisins in it, put it in the oven and bake some cookies with the oatmeal

must've been somebody frm the hood who thought of that

@lg in the place to be ... welcome my dear

i am doing very very very well

some great things have happened in the past 2 weeks and i am now starting to get back to normal

thanx for stopping by lg

don't be a stranger

James Tubman said...


you are lady guide

you almost got me lol

Smarty Jones said...

Nice post Mr. Tubman, very nice post. The mantra I'm currently chanting is, "if you settle for less then you get what you deserve."

Anonymous said...

man i'm so mad at you for that!!! you know what u did... but i can't help but chuckle at your crazy ass.

Ticia said...

This was great...

I have learned the HARD way from my mistakes.....

I am trying not to be a bag lady with them -

James Tubman said...

@smarty... you might be right about that

but you have to have a good measure for what is really good and what is really bad

@dlee4... i hope you had a nice chuckle

@hey T... nice to see you again

sometimes it's hard to learn from your mistakes because there is nobody in your life to check you

your conscious is supposed to do that

that voice inside of your head that we rarely want to listen to is always telling us the right thing to do

we rarely listen though

thus our mistakes

Anonymous said...

whats your secret? content? umm i don't know...

guerreiranigeriana said...

Very nice. But the white boy never explained why we continuously make the same mistakes time and time again.

...that line tickled me something serious!!...haha...dunno if i agree completely...let me rephrase that...well, before i rephrase it, let me ask a question...are we talking about behavioral change?...

...great post nonetheless...

Naija Chickito said...

you some kind of shrink? just asking.

it's not as easy as you make it sound.... what if the second time around, you try something different, but it's still the wrong thing? lol just asking.

good job

fantasy queen said...

JT...its been a minute.

you make sense, kindaf. but it really aint as easy as you make it sound. learning from mistakes is whats expected, but not what we always follows.

sometimes emotions are such a strong barrier to our sense of reasoning.

maybe what you should advice is to get our head hit by a nice hard baseball stick.
that might bring back our sense of reasoning, enough to help us learn and act on our mistakes.

Yasmeen Christian said...

Teach me.

James Tubman said...

dlee5... no secret babes

just got bigger fish to fry

g naija... yes we are talking about long term behavioral change

I think I made it seem too easy but if you believe something on an emotional level

the quicker you will get to that goal

works everytime

chickito...the stronger and more intense your belief that you will never make the mistake

the faster you will learn

queeny gambini... if anybody ever took a baseball bat to your head I would get a 6000 dollar plane ticket to naija and personally made sure he would never hurt anyone again

sound real tough don't I lol

yasmeen bleet... I love calling you that lol

consider yourself taught for the day

for private lessons we can set up a more personal one on one session lol