Thursday, July 31, 2008

Assessing Your RMV Romantic Market Value

This could be the best advice on dating you will ever get. I was recently reading the book

"Black and Single: Meeting and choosing a partner that is right for you"

By: Dr. Larry E. Davis

and i have to admit i was pleasantly surprised to see that he actually did a good job of assessing the dating terrain for black people and coming up with a good unit of measuring weather a person is good for us or not.

Im not saying it's a perfect model but at least its fair and realistic.

Im selling this book too for $20.00. Click on the icon above or to the side to purchase.

For your own benefit I recommend that you get it because it gives a lot of great information on what you should look for in a partner and it gives you a way to assess your own expectations when you are searching for a partner (something that many of us dont have a clue about in actuality).

He has created something called the RMV scale (Romantic Market Value). This scale basically lets you know where you are in terms of attractiveness, employment staus, income and so forth on a scale from one to 10. You use this scale to measure where you are and where you want your potential partner to be.

Level of Attractiveness 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
(unattractive) (average) (attractive)

Employment Status 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
(none) (part time) (full time)

Professional Status 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
(unskilled) (semi-professional) (professional)

Annual Income 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
(10K -25K) (30K - 45K) (50K - 75K) (75 and above)

Education 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
(high school) (college graduate) (graduate degree)

Social Status 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
(low) (medium) (high)

(among your friends, colleagues, and the broader community)

You can also make up some of your own categories too. This is how you do it. You measure yourself first. And BE HONEST lol! Then you go out looking for a partner with similar numbers. We do better with partners who are similar to us in many ways.

To be honest you dont really need people who have numbers similar to you. It always helps to be honest. Put the numbers that you want out of a partner and shoot for it. Who knows things might work out.

his is a scale to measure the traits of a potential partner.
It is important that my partner be:


Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential


Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential


Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential

Highly Sexual (likes frequent sex)

Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential

Financially Sensible (likes to save money)

Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential


Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential


Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential

A Homebody

Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential

A Sports Fan

Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential


Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential

Family Minded

Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential

Civic Minded

Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential

Good at Communicating

Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential

Sociable (likes to party and be with people)

Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential


Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Essential

Again you can add your own categories. This is for you so you can use it anyway you want. I really like these scales because its simple and it makes a lot of sense. I remember a little while back i had a little scuffle with a fellow blog member because i dint agree with her assessment that you should only look for men who make as much or more than her. I didnt understand it at the time but she was right. I just believe that you can turn anyone into what you want them to be (maybe im lying, maybe i dont really believe that).

And how do you get this information from your partner? Davis does talk about it. I would just whip it out maybe after a few weeks of dates and telephone conversations. In many cases you can get the information from people though casual conversation. Be observant.

I wouldnt be afraid to ask the personal questions either. The more information you get from a person, the more quickly you can come to a decision about whether this person is right for you.

Have fun!


Anonymous said...

Interesting. I may have to pick this up. Thx!

nikki said...

one thing i've learned is the importance of just asking the tough questions as early as possible. might as well eliminate folk so i won't be wasting my time.

this scale you've provided is a good place to start. i might start using it once i'm actively looking for my next man.

MysTery said...

I see you trying to copy from my Just kidding.

I did say I needed to start working on an application...might as well get on it!


Kayos said...

Oooo I'm gonna read this one.

But I have to have him fill out the application first. No one gets a date without filling out the application.

James Tubman said...

@baparina... i think that you would like it

it has a lot of sound practical information that all of us would find valuable

@nikki... i've heard from one writer on this subject

and he said that you should ask 200 hard core questions about everything from what happened in their past to all of the secrets that we try to hide from each other

i dont know if that's a little too extreeme but lol

you should know as much as possible before going into something

however information overload can also be bad too

thanx as always for giving a shout out

@mystery... i tell you mys tery it might not be a bad thing

there is no way in the world you'll ever know everything that you should know about person before getting into it

but i tell you, its best to weigh the options before you even get it sparked up

preciate the idea

@the kayotic wrestler fan... i tell you i was shocked to see that he was on point with a lot of our issues

i dont think having an application in this day and age is a bad thing at all

even if the person might not have all the desirable traits you want you will still know ahead of time therefore you will know what you are getting into

Don said...

Sounds like a very good read. Tubs, You and Muze are two bloggers who always seem to be onto the great reads. Props.

As far as a relationship I am happy and content with any decent and clean smelling woman who works (decent pay), cooks ALOT of good food, is a good mom and daughter, makes me laugh and who laughs @ my jokes, doesn't nag, and who wants to be in a relationship with a man who she can believe in.

I check out your list and I have some work to do. LOL.

Enjoyed the read.

Mizrepresent said...

Interesting, and something i tend to do, but not solely rely on. While i make have a list, it all boils down to my list and chemistry.

Trecia said...

LOL ... Interesting.. I guess i'll be ready to follow this in 2 years.. I'm FAR too young to be looking right now...

I don't cook!! I will cuss you out!!! I ain't got kids and the whole child bearing thing is too freaky for me... oh... i know im good.. I ain't going to prove this to nobody so.. in 2 years i'll be stepping my game up...

Rich said...

Sounds like an interesting read. I'll have to recommend it to some singles.

karrie b. said...

this is so much better than the pros and cons list...when you like someone and you write down all the good things on one side and all the bad on the other, lol.


Blah Blah Blah said...

JB: 200 questions first?
Ummm, I'mma need that list of questions!

This is going to sound real "new-age" but I don't ask a lot of questions...I go off the vibe. The Little Jamaican in my life tends to think it's all about clairvoyance...I just think that whatever is in my spirit...connects well with whatever is in his. I have yet to be disappointed with what works for me...but then, I have yet to look for a life long partner.
If I ask the basic questions...most men tend to talk too much and tell me the rest and everything tends to come to light at some point. Pretty laidback and not too surprised by what comes to light. It's all an adventure I mean...and dating.

Budda yea...get me those questions please...'cause I might be looking to settle down...operative word "might"

Ticia said...

Man..those were a lot of categories...and they are all important too -

I hate being single.. but I am just going to have to enjoy this ride......

MysTery said...

'decent and clean smelling woman' LOL! Don you are so crazy.

James Tubman said...

@sup D... i aint mad at you for that

clean smelling is verrrrrry important

actually they dont have to smell like anything

just not smell like bad stuff lol

good luck with getting a sister who cooks now a days

my exes have cooked for me in the past but not too many times

mostly our dinners were spent at mcdeath, murder king or somewhere else lol

@mizrepresentationalization... chemistry is extreemly important

sometimes chemistry can overthrow our better judgement

gotta definately check that i guess

@KD... whatever you shawday

ill just leave it at that

@richy rich... thanx for stoping by bruh

good to see you here

i think its a good read because its realistic

we need to be more realistic and fair about dealing with the opposite sex

James Tubman said...

@KB... i think thats good too

but these categories can also give you an

@blah blah blah... welcome

sorry, you gotta make up the questions yourself lol

every approach has some validity to it

with all of the big boy stuff i talk here that is basically my approach in reality lol

that is good sometimes because if you judge people too harshly you might miss out on a good thing

keep coming back honey

@ticia... being single sucks sometimes because you might not have somebody to come home too

but if you wish that person wasnt there than that might not be a good thing lol

Lindah said...

I am still reading.....

James Tubman said...

i see you lindy lol

thanx for still commin by

hopw you got some of the messages embedded in the material

anonymous gal said...

i shld start readin this type of books o

aoc gold said...

O Sailor, Come Ashore

(Part I)

O sailor, come ashore

What have you brought for me?

Red coral , white coral,

Coral from the sea.

(Part II)

I did not dig it from the ground ,

Nor pluck it from a tree;

Feeble insects made it

In the stormy sea.

~by aoc gold