Sunday, November 30, 2008

For Women: How to reduce stress in your life and relationships. And how brothers can help women to reduce the stress in their lives and get more sex.

Black/Afrikan women have always been under tremendous amounts of stress (particularly due to our interactions with the european).

But in the last 20 to 30 years sisters are now under more stress than ever and within the last 10 to 5 years the stress levels have rose tremendously.



Women go through a lot of stress on their jobs because they are now forced to work in a man's world to support themselves and when they come home after that stressful day, their stress levels actually double because of all the stress they have to go through at home (dealing with the kids, coming home to an empty house constantly reminding them of their loneliness, having to clean up and prepare dinner etc.)



This is why there are so many angry sisters out here because they rarely have significant ways of relieving stress.



A man can come in the house after a stressful day and completely forget about everything and regenerate his self by just siting down and watching TV.



A woman is always thinking about what still needs to be done and her mind never stops going.



Many women dont normally know how to relax.



When women are under lots of stress they become aware of the needs of others around them more.



As a result they never relax.



And even if she's in a relationship she definately doesnt relax because thats just another person she needs to worry about.



There is a solution for this.



A woman needs to produce more oxytocinand seotonin in her body in order to relieve stress naturally.



Of course this can be done through deep meditation or through taking some lobeilia or st. johns wort (or smoking some weed lol, which i dont recommend even though weed is a medicinal herb and you can drink it as a tea to calm you down).



And there are many women who have all types of ways of releiving stress that a lot of brothers dont know about.



Many women are heavily into romance novels (didnt think i knew did you).



Many women talk to people all over the internet and develop relationships as a result.



Many women blog to talk about their problems (which is one of the main ways a woman relieves stress).





All of thats good but one of the main ways to relieve stress is through being in a relationship and by getting more romance in your life (you need to be wined and dined so sue me why dont you).



It's no surprise to me to find that most women (especially Black women) dont want to be in a relationship.



Dont want any parts of a relationship.



Start bugging out even if someone says that word in their presence.



There are many reasons for this but they arent important.



These are 2 ways a woman can reduce stress in her life and raise her oxytocin and serotonin levels and give the brothers a break sometimes :-)





#1: Get Some Guy That You Are In A Relationship With Or Progressing With To Take You Out On A Date!



This is a tough one because women dont think they should ask a man to do this.



Even if they want to they often hint at it without coming out to say what they feel.



They'll say something like, "wow, it's such a nice day outside. It would be nice to go out and eat or something."



Something like that.



Instead of just coming out and saying it.



You have to tell a man what you want.



And you have to tell him that you want to be taken out on date, you want him to plan it himself and give you at least a weeks notice ahead of time.



This will release the oxytocin levels in women all through the week because all throughout the week she'll be anticipating that special moment when she'll have some luck guys full attention.



This will bring her pleasure because this will make her feel special and it will also make her feel that she's not alone and it takes some pressure off of her.





#2: Tell The Guy To Listen To You For 10 Straight Minutes Without Trying To Solve Your Problems, Without Trying To Do Anything At All But Listen To You!



This might surprise women but guys are great listeners especially if they are told to do so.



A man responds much better when he is in an emergency situation.



So if you act as if this is a life or death situation and you really need him to do this in order for you to feel happy then he'll do it (because every man in the world wants a happy woman).



Women need to not only talk about their problems but talk about how they FEEL about their problems (i've been studying this stuff for a while and i havent realised this yet).



When you tell him how much it will mean to you to do this for you he'll be happy to do it.



I remember my ex asked me to do this once (she didnt even know this technique).



But she asked me to listen to her without saying anything: all she needed for me to do was listen.



Then she started alking about how bad and i was and how much stress she was going through and all that and i just felt miserable because i went through all of that with her lol.



At the end i gave her a hug as she was crying and she was very appreciative of me for doing that (even though i didnt think i did anything)



And later on that night she gave me some good lovin lol.



So for guys just listening to women talk about how they feel about their problems works!



Women will pay big bucks to a psychologist just to have them listen to her.



If you did this just imagine the kind of benefits you'll get.



You'll be telling your boys "yo, i gotta go home so i can listen to my girl yo."



Maybe not lol.



This video will explain it all a lot better than i did.



Take some time to look at it: It's a little lengthy but you'll love it because it is so true.



Peace!



It took a long time for the video to boot up so here is the link



Enjoy.

34 comments:

freemanpress said...

Brother Tubman that 10 minutes is going to be tough. You know Men either solve it or leave it alone. I'd rather take my girl out than hear about the issues of her day. I'd rather run a hot bath for her or anything than to hear her talk about things she has no intention on changing that just irks me the most. I'll definitely keep that in mind and try to turn off the Laker game to hear her out.

lulu said...

woah! thought of being a shrink... weird but its sooooooooo true! now i dont think i can ask antyone to take me out seeing i aint seeing anyone and the other batch of men wanna take meo out for all the wrong reasons that i aint about to go for...or the rest are broke and am taking them out!
on the weekend i was so low, i got home and cried all by myself then slept real early didnt want to do anyything, i just curled up and slept and hoped to god he could tangibly come and hold me and love me... someone earlier in the day just made it worse when i told them why i was so not happy... said the most insensitve thing ever, it just made me feel worse... my really good buddy had travelled to kenya so he got back saturday afternoon, came over sunday night, he just listened to all my issues of the week , even offered to wash my dishes, cook me porridge, just held me and listened to my disjointed ramblings and it was purely that... it was sweeeeeeet...and i got alot better...slept real nice after he was gone...actually got sleepy after letting it all out... i just fear that i bog him down with so much all the time! but freemanpress ought to try it out!

lulu said...

woah! thought of being a shrink.?.. weird but its sooooooooo true! now i dont think i can ask antyone to take me out seeing i aint seeing anyone and the other batch of men wanna take meo out for all the wrong reasons that i aint about to go for...or the rest are broke and am taking them out!
on the weekend i was so low, i got home and cried all by myself then slept real early didnt want to do anyything, i just curled up and slept and hoped to god he could tangibly come and hold me and love me... someone earlier in the day just made it worse when i told them why i was so not happy... said the most insensitve thing ever, it just made me feel worse... my really good buddy had travelled to kenya so he got back saturday afternoon, came over sunday night, he just listened to all my issues of the week , even offered to wash my dishes, cook me porridge, just held me and listened to my disjointed ramblings and it was purely that... it was sweeeeeeet...and i got alot better...slept real nice after he was gone...actually got sleepy after letting it all out... i just fear that i bog him down with so much all the time! but freemanpress ought to try it out!

lulu said...

and it wasnt 10 minutes... 3hours!

nevender said...

Hmmm. I like to listen.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

we all need to relax more

Buttercup said...

Lol interesting. I need to get my ass in a relationship!

Buttercup said...

Lol interesting. I need to get my ass in a relationship!

Standtall said...

1st, I dont agree with many women being forced to work in a man's world.
Many women are working because they believe it's their world too and they need to tap into the opportunity as men.

So many women know how to relax but wont because of the pressure of taking care of home as well as meet up with their work demands

Things will be a lot better if a lot of men that love this career women would share all the domestic responsibilities instead of watching TV.

My hubby and i share domestic chores. If he gets home b4 me, he cooks, then we can both watch TV together and relax.

Some weekends, I do absolutely nothing expect relaxing,eating and wathcing TV. He wld even give me a massage. Tell you what, this works for me

No matter what I have o my mind, I discuss with my partner cos he's a friend.

B4 I got married, I relax with my friends and we share each other pains and we get thru stuff together

THIS IS ANOTHER THERAPY NEEDED BY SO MANY CAREER WOMEN!

Do they have supportive husbands/boyfriends/partners/friends?

Do they trust anyone enough to talk away their worries?

Do they have a suppotive network?

My cents

James Tubman said...

@freeman... would you do the 10 minute technique if you could get more sex and have a happy woman in the house

it's not just about that of course

how do you think i feel

im a man too and normally i dont lke doing that myself

im a natural at talking to women so even though its annoying to me (sometimes) i still know how to detach myself from that part of their lives (i still make mistakes though)

see women talk to others about the stuff they would like to say to you

as a result they share an amount of closeness with others that they will never share with you

i know it seems hard but there are a lot of benefits that come from doing this

you can be the hero freeman

you dont have to spend a shit load of money buying presents, taking her out and all of that

if you did the listening techniche more that could save you THOUSANDS of dollars throughout the course of your life

try it tonight and let me know how it goes


@lulu... ahhh sorry baby

im giving you a blog hug right now

you feel it

well i would assume that its nice to have someone like that to be there for you when you really need it

doesnt compensate for a real relationship but its close lol

that brother listened to you for 3 hours

is he gay (just asking)

because they say that a gay black man is the black womans best friend


@neverder... thanks for stoping by


@terrence... i agree but women are stressed WE become stressed


@buttercup... lol not necessarily

but its nice sometimes

you are a gemini so you are most compatible with other air signs like yourself (aquarious, libra)and fire signs too (leo and aries)

go get em tiger

Standtall said...

JAMES! All other comments got a response but mine!

Shd I take this personal?

James Tubman said...

didnt forget about you standtall

yeah its a woman's world too but men run it

it is what it is sweetheart

i do think that many women are working because they want to but i believe that the majority of them are woring because they have to

and if they had a choice they wouldnt work at all or they wouldnt work as much

now about the guys lol

guys still work hard to so when they get home they have to relax just like the women in this day and age

guys should help out more

but if the man feels like he is really making his woman happy he will help out more

if he realized how much it meant to her he would be more inclined to do it

men arent monsters

they have the potential to be very reasonable

its great that you have a good husband to help you all of those things

most women dont lol

and i think many women have those kind of networks now where they share things equally with their partners but the amount of intimacy you have with that network will never replace the amount of intimacy you can have with your partner in a relationship

thats just the way it is

James Tubman said...

you were so quick on the draw you didnt give me a chance lol

James Tubman said...

i wanted to make a special comment for you thats why i took so long
:-)

James Tubman said...

i meant where they share things equally with others in their circles

Standtall said...

Did u just type all this? Hmmm, men and women run this world my man. Thought you were gender sensitive.

Hubby and I are helping each other afterall it takes 2 to make marriage work

You are right abt the network not being comparable to sharing with your partner. But some network are better than sharing with partners espcially if you are here in Nigeria where most couples are not friends. Where again most couples casue each others headache and couldnt talk it out.

And where of course more relationship have masters/slaves mindset. As a devlopment worker and ferminists a lot of women open up to me and you will be surprise to know what I know as per what they are enduring!

But some men are not so considerate, they come home to share all their issues with their wives, get comforted but never are patients enough to listen to thier wives

I am just telling what I know and I hope you understand my point. I am talking from my work/country point of view here

Standtall said...

Forgive all my typos saw them after posting my comment

Anonymous said...

this entire post makes no damn sense

the title... equating women with stress with men getting sex

your such a foolish male

Standtall said...

Ah ah, who is Anonymous that is all out for a fight. You dont have to agree with James Tubman but calling this post foolish, is darn wrong!

lulu said...

no he aint gay... he is just sweet... aww thanks for the blog hug... oh we usually talk for so long in between watching music videos and chewing up on something.... like choc chip cookies and coke :)

lulu said...

no he aint gay... he is just sweet... aww thanks for the blog hug... oh we usually talk for so long in between watching music videos and chewing up on something.... like choc chip cookies and coke :)

James Tubman said...

@standtall2... excuse me miss

i am very gender sensitive

i understand women in a way that most men can only dream of

i know i know

this is hard fact for most women to get

men are in control of this world sweetheart

man came up with 99.9% of the most useful inventions

men make up over 99.9% of all leaders in the history of the world

men are the ones who make the major decisions in the world

that is just a fact of life that women (particularly feminists) have to accept

and the men who rule the world do not want a lot of women in the top leadership positions in the world

they are highly patriarchal and chauvinistic

that is the way it is

sorry


@anonymous... thanx lol

i am foolish

i am too smart to be in the position im in now

i appreciate very much people telling me the truth

dont be a stranger

@standtall3... thank you baby cakes :)


@lulu2...i dont know if i should have asked that question

but thank you for being curteous none the less

i can see why he can talk to you for 3 hours

you are SO FINE i think i could lay there all night just gazing into your bright warm engaging eyes *sigh*

Standtall said...

There is no point getting into an argument since you have decided to call you fact your fact

Men wont be able to make these so call decisions or inventions or be in control if they dont have good food in thier stomachs and shoulders to lean on or the women that are being under valued in development issues given birth to them and nurturing them!
There is this saying, the hands that rock the cradle rule the world. And women rock the cradle. The most important job on earth is accomplished through this. So, can I say women run the world? (that's not my intention)

Take a look around you, majority of the decisions you claimed these men that controlling the world are making won't be possible without an input from a woman!

Stop this male ego and see impossible it will be for anyone to run the world without women except you are referring to killings/violence that are mostly initiated by men to take contol.

Women's roles are undervalued all the time and you just confirm my point

Have you heard of a man that became a professor using his wife's thesis?

All lot of women who would have done exploit are convined into living a man's dream of religious fundamentalism and cultural nonsense

So, dear if you are gender sensitive like you said, you will look into the role of women in development too and not throw it in our faces all the achievements of the men in the world. They achieved all these cos they have enabling enviroments with women at thier beck and call.

But now, things are changing and women now know fundamental human rights are dears too.


To cap it my dear, no need to sound chauvinistic in a bid to defend your gender.

We all co-exist and there is a need for mutual respect, equal access to resources, knowledge sharing approach and all

We both run this world my dear. And I hope you will put your gender sensitivity into practice and stop claiming it's a man world....

Standtall said...

One last point, you keep saying that is the way it is? have you accepted this men not wanting women in leadership positions and all as a normal thing to do?

At least as a feminist, I believe in equality but since you are soundin chauvinistic is like you really like the way it is. And it's okay if women are just treated the wya the men want

So, why did you now deem it fit to challenge the white being in control of all. Why dont you think Martin Luther King was talking nonsense or that slavery is good?

A lot of men are in a comfortable position and they will do all the can to make sure women dont have equal access to anything? Is that your point?

Standtall said...

@ Lulu: it sounds like James really have a lot to learn about how tender a lot of men are. So, he could not fathom a man listening to you for 3 hours! As if men dont talk for alonger period too

James Tubman said...

@standtall... just because i dont pander to feminist delusions about how the world is really is doesnt mean that im not gender sensitive

it just means that i try to be objective in how i see the world

of course i have under played the importance of women in history

every man was born from a woman so in that sense women are more important than men

but women have other more important responisbilities than running the world

they are the nurtures, the first teachers, they are the life givers

i think those responsibilities are just as important as the responsibility of ruling the world

but saying that women help to run the world with men is another story lol

look at all of the violence that has transfered as a result of men ruling the world

do you think if woman equally ruled with men they would have let all of that blood letting transpire

Standtall said...

Lol. The question is who chose women's repsonsibility for them? Who says their entire lives they should be teachers, care givers? It's okay if that what women want but it shouldnt be how others want them to live.

No limit in what women or men can use thier brain and passion to achieve

Still you are not gender sensitive and it has nothing to do with feminism

May be you need to read more on gender and feminism to have a balance view

Standtall said...

And yes, women wont have let all tha blood tranpire. You said they nurture too right?

Standtall said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Standtall said...

AND I AM A FEMINIST, NO APOLOGY! FEMINISM IS NOT DELUSIONAL. IT'S SIMPLY ADVOCATING FOR WHAT SHOULD BE I.E Women's Human Rights which include right to any kinda job she want and not being forced to do what the world placed on her lap.

Martin Luther King believed in an equal world for black and white AND
StandTall believes in equality without reservations between women and men

If you think this is delusion, my dear james think again


Yeah, I sign out now. BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Standtall said...

Wishing you all best in your Chauvnistic delusions (lol).

I sign out here. Let's move to other issues or if you wish to continue this debate send an email to tadonline@gmail.com

Cheers!

Anonymous said...

And you don't think he's foolish?
Chauvinistic and Foolish?

James Tubman said...

i think thats cute anonymous

obviously you must like me if you are showing this much attention

im flattered and humbled by your words

you should email me so you can see my point of view of things

you might actually learn somthing :-)

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