Wednesday, November 26, 2008

How we emotionally cheat on our partners and how to stop it!

I was listening to a relationship show that now comes on a radio one station in my hometown of baltimore and i found that the brother made some good points about emotional cheating that i believe in.

First of all what is emotional cheating?

Emotional cheating is when you are sharing intimacy or close encounters in an inapropriate way with anyone other than the one you are presently in a relationship with.

Emotional cheating can occur with a person of the opposite sex (or same sex if you swing that way) but it can also occur with friends, family even blog members.

Lets get into more detail.

This is the three signs that you might be cheating on your lover or present partner emotionally:

#1: You May Be Emotionally Cheating When You Are Sharing Private Secrets About Your Mate With Others:

This is a no no that women often do more than men.

It's become so normal now for some that many of us dont even percieve it as wrong anymore.

It's just a given.

This can be damaging for many reasons.

First of all by blabbing out the secrets of your partner to others you lose a connection with the one you are with.

Its kind of like a betrayal because the person told you these details with the intent that you probably wouldnt tell others the way you are doing.

I can understand why women do this more than men (even though many men also give out their partners secrets to excess) because the way a woman shows her love and affection is through sharing herself with others.

So if a woman shares very intimate details about her life with others, thats like telling that woman or man or whatever that they are important to her and that they have their trust.

This is a good thing.

But it shouldnt be done to disclose major secrets about your mate because even though they dont know, you know.

And that takes away some of the intimacy (or close feelings) from the relationship because some people actually feel guilty about that later and a friend (or at least someone you thought was a friend) might actually try to take your spouse as a result of the information you told them (thats another story).

Or if you are physically attracted to the one you are telling your secrets with, this may bring you closer to that person thus upping the chances for infidelity and cheating.

#2: You May Be Emtotionally Cheating When You Have Sexual Tension With The Ones You Call Your Friends:

I would presume this happens often because i've heard somewhere that the friends that we have of the opposite sex are often people we are attracted to.

However even if you are attracted to a friend that you have or flurt often with this person, that doesnt mean necessarily that you might have some sexual tension for that person (however it doesnt mean that you dont have it).

The main question here is, what is sexual tension?

I guess sexual tension could be anything involving flirting, touching, kissing, or saying things that might only be reserved for you in a partner.

This could cover a variety of different things but typically the person knows that they may be flirting too much when they fanatsize about this person in a sexual manner or think about them more than their partner (i don't know).

#3: You May Be Emotionally Cheating When You Are Sharing More Intimate Feelings With Your Friends, Family Etc. Then With Your Partner:

This is a tough one again because many of us often do it wihout seeing the damage in it.

We may go to our mothers or fathers, sisters or brothers, fellow blog members or close friends first before we tell our partners how we feel (whether its good news or whatever).

This might not necessarily break a relationship but ideally you should be able to go to your partner and tell them about anything thats bothering you or tell them first if you have good news of some sort.

If you go to others first that cuts off a moment of sincere closeness and intimacy that you can have with your partner.

If you go to them after you've already shared this important information with others first then it's like they are getting sloppy seconds and the ordeal might not be as intimate.

If you can't go to your mate about something first before you go to others then you need to find out why you cant do that.

So i guess the main way you stop this is by doing the opposite of all three.

Or you can use the person as a disposable toy and throw them away whenever you feel like it lol.

That seems to be the case with so many now.


Standtall said...

This makes a lot of sense. I have learnt one or tow things here. Thanks brova

fantasy queen said...

happy thanksgiving....
and dont think i want to be thinking about cheating spouses on thanksgiving:)

emotional cheating's got to be the worst kind, cos lets face it, sex is sex, sharing feelings and thoughts are more intimate, and most of us are so guilty of this crime...

we need listening ears like 100percent of the time and lets face it your patner wouldnt always want to listen,theres always the football game, video games and the fact that he also wants to talk which is annoying because doesnt he get it, you have things to say(for the selfish ones)
and so we run to our best friends who usually happens to be a member of the opposite sex, and life feels better because they listen.

emotional affairs are the hardest to break i tell ya, it wouldnt be easy to stop.

lulu said...

lol i realsied i was here sometime with a certain someone... lol!

James Tubman said...

@standtall... im glad you did learn something

sometimes we do harm without even knowing we are doing it

@queenie all natureenie... this is hard for women because women need to be listened to and understood more than men

im going to answer your question with the next post

this one is gonna be just for you queenie because you know i love you girl :)

i hope you are doing well deary

@lulu... hey beautiful

im sure you were at one time

we've all been there before

we need to know what to do when these situations come up

the antipop said...

golly! i just realised i am an emotional cheating whore! I guess we all have to evaluate our relationships...

James Tubman said...

its different with the scorpio antipop

you all are going to get it out regardless lol

there is no stoping the scorpio from being honest

so thats not your fault

Buttercup said...

*sighs* we women r easily susceptible to this type of cheating..i for one become easily attached to people, i need to learn how to change that..

Buttercup said...

*sighs* we women r easily susceptible to this type of cheating..i for one become easily attached to people, i need to learn how to change that..

James Tubman said...

we all have this problem butter

it is what it is

dont worry your pretty little head sweet :-)

Tia's Real Talk said...

I have a lot of catch up reading to do. Looks like you are tryin to spit knowledge. I believe emotional affair is worse than a sexual affair.
For one, stop confiding in the opposite sex about your problems and never bad mouth your lover to the opposite sex for starters.

Anonymous said...

The anti-anxiety medicine xanax is wholly capable of facilitating your war against anxiety as it is the most widely recognized medication to treat anxiety disorders, especially generalized anxiety disorders and altogether Xanax can treat a whole lot of anxieties related to panic disorders and depression. Before you move on to administer Xanax and treat your anxiety, get hold of Xanax tidbits from the site

Jimmy loof said...

My wife was so smooth at hiding her infidelity and I had no proof for months, I saw a recommendation about a Private investigator  and decided to give him a try.. the result was incredible because all my cheating wife’s text messages, whatsapp, facebook and even phone calls conversations was linked directly to my cellphone. ( Mr James helped me put a round-the-clock monitoring on her and I got concrete evidence and gave it to my lawyer..if your wife is an expert at hiding her cheating adventures contact him. thank you