Friday, August 22, 2008

Why Men Cheat And How To Deal With It!

This is a question that men and women have puzzled over since the first maan crept out on his partner. Well you are in luck because im gonna give you the answers today. But before i give them to you, i just want the guys to know something. Whatever people do to try and deamonize you for this problem, its not your fault. There is no class in school or in most cases no ones at home to teach men how to be faithful in their relationship. In fact there is a lot of social pressure for men to have multiple sexual partners because having multiple sex partners is seen to be associated with a personal assertion of ones masculinity in this culture. Plainly said, men think they are more manly when they can satisfy many women sexually. When you look at music videos, for instance, you see men routinely surrounded by so called beautiful, scantily clad women who adore them. Worship him. Fight over each other to have a chance merely to touch him. Fanatsy. But many of us have internalized these fantasies.



OK lol, so before we get too carried away, lets the reasons why men cheat!



Reason #1 - Men have been socially conditioned to believe that its perfectly fine to have sex with different partners whenever they feel like it.



We just talked a little on how this mentality is shaped. Just imagine seeing thousands of videos like this from boyhood to manhood. Seeing your father in many relationships with different women, and being personally attracted to many women yourself. You can now begin to have some sense of not only the social pressures, but the biological, natural pressures to act out this impulse with different women. This inclination must be controled in some way.



Reason #2 - The Man Feels Smothered By The One He's With



I think to understand this you have to understand how women show their love and affection in a relationship. When a woman has fallen for a man or loves a man, that man becomes her whole life. She's always talking about him, she thinks about him all the time, she's picking out her clothing to meet his taste, she's always pumping him for information to see what his favorite meal is, what his favorite this or that is (you get the picture lol). And this preoccupation with him causes her to want to share every part of her with him and have him do the same with her (because thats the way women are towards each other. The more they share about themselves the closer they feel towards each other.) Certainly men desire to share important experiences with their partners. And most definately we want to know what a woman likes so we can be more sucessful in making her happy (because that is what a man truly wants believe or not). But when men are sharing too much and are too intimate with women they are acting in a way that is outside of their nature. At that time they feel that they have to get away from the woman, momentarily to regroup and figure out how best to approach this situation on his own. When this happens the woman gets confused and wants to talk about this with the man. But he feels as if has to figure it out for himself. Anyway, when he's in this state he might blame the woman for being too needy, or begin to see other flaws in her because he doesnt understand that women act like that to show him how much she cares about him. So he might at this time conclude that this isnt the woman for me and at that time look for another woman or he might fall for another one who gives him the attention he had in the begining of the relationship with his present lover.

Reason #3 - He Feels That He Is Not Making His Partner Happy

When men have problems they take some alone time to think about solutions, they look to others for solutions, or if they still cant solve the problem forget about it. A man truly wants to make his woman feel happy because it produces more testosterone for him. This is a hormone that relieves stree and produces an overall sense of contentment in men. One of the main ways the man's body produces testosterone is through being sucessful in his pursuits. If he feels that no matter what he does he still cant make that woman happy than he naturally seeks someone else to make happy. Because his identity is wrapped around being successful in life and he feels he might have a better time attaining that success with someone else.

Now cheating isnt right because for one thing it causes a whole lot of confusion for a man and for another thing, you reap what you sow. So how can a man prevent himself from giving into his desires to have an affair.

#1 - Make sure you know the nature of a woman.

Just because a woman wants a man to share all of his personal feelings and wants to share herself completely with her doesnt mean that she's too needy or that she's not the one. It just a natural way of giving love. (BTW the way a man naturally wants to express his love is through sex (that is a true statement lol). So when she acts like this dont hold it against her.

#2 - Stay Faithful and have sex with just one woman so you can know for sure if she's right for you or not!

This is why you cant mess with many women at the same time because when you are continuously bouncing off of different women you dont know who you are really in love with (i really need to explain why this is the case but this post is getting too long). Find the one you are most interested in. Stay monogamous to her for an extended period of time. And if you start to realize that she isnt the one for you, cut her off and try someone else.

#3 - Whenever you see an attractive woman or think about an attractive woman or a sexual experience you might have had with one, focus on a the best sexual experience you had with your partner.

John Gray talks bout this in a talk i saw on google video's (i'll leave a link later). This technique is called anchoring, pairing one experience with another to draw power from one of these experiences. If you continuously think about sex with your current partner whenever you start to have attractive feelings for another woman all of that sexual energy is being directe towards the one you're with now and your sexual experiences with this woman will be much more fulfilling. Trust me, ive actually tried this a few times. It might difficult to do at first because it seems strange and you might not even want to do it, but do it anyway and i bet the sexual experiences with your partner in the next coming weeks will be much much better.

Holla!

30 comments:

koffeedyme said...

I'm First.. wooooooo...
Interesting post.. I see your personality in it... woo lil sis knows you huh?

I think i'm convinced that most men cheats... my birth dad, my former step dad.. dude dated... but you explained it well... I like to think if a man has an idea of what he wants and follow thru with it, as well as getting to know the current person hes with, everything will become clear to him...

I always tell dude, I will not be the home wrecker and not to even think about making me the rebound girl because he honestly don't know what hes looking for...

RealHustla said...

Surprisingly all your points make sense to me this time. I'm always looking for the one fatal flaw when reading your posts, but I never mention them because I don't really like being negative.

However, now this makes me really wonder how successful your own relationships are. How consistently do you practice what you preach?

fantasy queen said...

interesting topic as all men are cheats(or not) well maybe except those who've got the fear of God in them.

i think men cheat cos they don't know what they want, they no different from the women accused of not knowing what they want.

fantasy queen said...

interesting topic as all men are cheats(or not) well maybe except those who've got the fear of God in them.

i think men cheat cos they don't know what they want, they no different from the women accused of not knowing what they want.

fantasy queen said...

interesting topic as all men are cheats(or not) well maybe except those who've got the fear of God in them.

i think men cheat cos they don't know what they want, they no different from the women accused of not knowing what they want.

fantasy queen said...

interesting topic as all men are cheats(or not) well maybe except those who've got the fear of God in them.

i think men cheat cos they don't know what they want, they no different from the women accused of not knowing what they want.

MysTery said...

Good post HOWEVER, I will not say it is not thier fault that they cheat(ed), they made the choice to do so. No one else did. No matter how you explain it, though I can see what you are saying.

To me it's about alot more like learning to respect and love yourself and women also. If the guys thought about it, they wouldn't want the women doing to the same to them. Selfish $%##$%$#. Lol.

This sounds like an introduction post to me. lol.

Don said...

Tubs,

You make some great, great points. Ones that I share the exact sentiment but didn't know how to quite say it. I personally have cheated on every female I've ever been involved with. I want to say that it was the woman's fault but you and I both know better than that. I think my infidelity was a simple case of me being an ignorant bastard who never really knew or took the time to learn what it took to be what society refer to as a 'real man.' So I always ended up being a trifling man who thought only about himself.

Until the one woman who I really cared about flipped the script and showed me how I imagine so many women felt when I cheated on them. Now, I have no desire to cheat on 'my' woman. I know that doesn't assure that she will be faithful to me, but that is besides the point. When involved in a real relationship, I have made myself a promise to never cheat, ever again.

Also, I think John Gray had the right idea. There is definitely some truth to that. Mostly I will suppress my sexual desires for one woman and transform those same desires into bed with the woman I'm sleeping with.

Hey, whatever it takes NOT to mess up. LOL.

karrie b. said...

morning tubs...

-KB

James Tubman said...

@koffee dyme... neither a guy nor a gurl can know what they trully want from a partner if they are messing with a whole bunch of people at the same time

its just that simple


@a hustler who is real... well lol

i'll tell you this, when i do practice these skills and remember them i have success

thanx for stopping by


@fantasy queen... women for the most part arent that concerned about sex (except for the cancers lol, yall need sex like a human being needs air)

but women dont typically cheat when they dont know what they want in the relationship

they just complain about it typically lol

this needs to be talked about more

thanx queeny


@mys tery... when a man cheats he does more of a disservice to himself than to the woman

he has to juggle all of these different lifestyles

he cant keep it real with his partner the way he wants to

he has fight feelings of guilt and shame

he becomes a monster and he becomes an evil deceptive person

and he has no chance of being relieved of his pain because he doesnt want to accept how terrible of a person he is

but it's not his fault lol


@don... i appreciate you sharing that with me

its a big problem for many men

to be honest with you ive never done it physically but ive done it mentally many times

it disperses the energy that you should be using to enhance your relationship in the wrong direction

when you have all your energy focused on bettering the relationship then you can focus all of that waisted sexual energy towards your mate

thus the relationship will either have a dramatic improvement and it draws yall closer together

or it comes to crashing hault and you realise that this isnt the one for you

either way, i believe, it still is a good thing to do

thanx homie


@hello karie

been a good gurl lately lol

Soulistic Healing said...

Very thought provoking blog! My thoughts after reading this is:
1) Honesty: partners must give each other honesty and therefore a choice. If one partner is about having multiple partners, tell the other one so that at least they have the right to make a choice if they want to continue to be in this relationship
2) Holistically approaching a relationship: If you meet someone you adore, cherish, complete, LOVE...and they have sex with another person 1 time, do you want to abandon this relationship all together? Is it worth it?
3) LOVE YOURSELF: in a nutshell, love yourself enough to know that images on TV are images, they are not truth. Love yourself enough to know God and know what indeed love is!

aoc gold said...

Rain

Rain is falling all around,

It falls on field and tree,

It rains on the umbrella here,
And on the ships at sea. 。

-------- by aoc powerlevewling

Afrobabe said...

wish they would listen...

Don said...

@ tubs: i agree @
either way, i believe, it still is a good thing to do

Anonymous said...

So the wife should stop herself from showing too much love to her husband because he is going to get scared and thus cheat on her.

Anonymous said...

MEN ARE NOT WORTH DYING FOR cause they WILL ALWAYS REMAIN AS CHEATS.YOU SEE ALL YOU NEED IS JUS BE YOURSELF.Have some dignity and jus enjoy yourself cause life is too short.

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Anonymous said...

This is extremely sexist. A woman becomes a man's personal slave when she falls in love and spends her every waking moment thinking about him? Please. Don't flatter yourself. Why don't you get your head out of the 50s.

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