Friday, October 26, 2007

How to stop your mate, or anybody else, from irritating you fast

When we get angry and upset we tend to lash out at the one who made us upset. Or so we think.

In actuality nobody can make you upset! This is a common myth that many of us erroneously believe. Everything is based on our interpretation of the issue. If somebody made you upset with the words they said, then you chose to ruin your whole day based on a couple of words that were mentioned. Think about how crazy this is.

It seems like this is some positive thinking, mumbo-jumbo that never works. No! This way of thinking works. It's simple to learn and in order not to fall into the trap of getting overly emotional whenever somebody says or does the meanest things to you, you have to learn this technique and apply it to your daily life.

The first thing you have to learn is whenever someone unleashes a spate of harsh words in your direction, or tries to hurt you in any way, if you know for sure that you are not the cause of the problem, don't get emotional .

Most people holler and scream at us because they're angry and they want us to feel as bad as they do. If you get upset and overly emotional, they've achieved what they set out to do. Don't give them this power.

To stay in an unemotional state whenever somebody's trying to piss you off, you have to keep in mind that whatever they're saying is about them and their issues not you and yours!

When somebody attacks you with evil intent, and you can't avoid it, (which is the best thing to do) do this and you'll get them to stop.
Instead of saying something like, "I don't know who you think your talking to," or "I didn't do anything to you," take a deep breath, exhale, and say something like, "wow, it seems as if your really upset today," or ask them "why are you so angry today?"

This simple technique is very powerful, because when you say something like this it forces them to get defensive, and when anyone gets defensive they'll always try to justify their behavior, taking some of the pressure off of you.

Remember, the person who is asking the questions in any conversation is the one who has control. Maintain your control of the conversation by constantly asking them questions about their behavior. Don't say anything about yourself, because as soon they get that one opportunity to dump their own garbage on you, they will.

I repeat, "Don't say anything about yourself," because it's not about you, it's about them.

And please try not to say anything too harsh, especially if it's your mate because you might regret it in the future. You don't have to drop to their level in order to make them stop, unless you absolutely believe that it's necessary.

After a while they'll start to get sick of having to foolishly explain themselves and they'll shut up. You'll notice them getting uncomfortable. If you want to continue talking to them this is the perfect time to change the subject, or say "it's ok," and move on to something else. If you don't, walk away knowing that you out smarted them because you kept your cool under pressure.

There are other ways to stop someone from verbally abusing you. We'll talk about them more in an upcoming piece.

stop settling for less in your relationships. you have the power to change your partner for the better. if you have an open mind don't be afraid to click here to learn more.


MysTery said...

This is some real talk. It is VERY hard to do though. I will work on it.

James Tubman said...

it is difficult to do

but just like anything it requires practice

at least i can assure of one thing it does work

nobody likes to be interrogated

try it out a few times when someone is annoying you

and thanx for leaving a comment

it shows that you reall like my work