This one is so great, but I bet you all probably already know about this strategy.
I'm obsessed with finding ways to deal with inconsiderate people because I deal with them all the time.
Sometimes i might avoid interacting with others because i can easily get my feelings hurt by the things they say.
But i think after all my searching i might have found a good way to disengage the negativity that spews out of these emotional basket cases mouths.
First of all, people give negative criticisms for three main reasons.
#1 - They might actually be trying to help but lack the tact necessary to get to a sensitive person.
#2 - They want to hurt you make you feel pain because they are going through pain themselves.
#3 - Or they just don't know how to keep their thoughts to themselves.
It doesn't matter what the reason you still shouldn't get upset.
We give them power over us when we let them manipulate our emotions.
We become their puppet on a string when we let them dictate how we should feel.
When they act out they don't know any better.
And why would we let a crazy person, a child or a hurt person make us feel bad as well.
They cant help but to act that way.
They should be pitied for their indiscretions, not the source of anger.
Anyway, what do you do when someone says something mean to you either in your face or behind your back loud enough for you to hear it, (of course the best thing to do is just ignore it).
First, thank them for being honest about what they really feel.
They might actually have some good advice, but because they are emotionally unstable and dont know how to truly express themselves, it comes out the wrong way.
Second, ask for advice on how to improve the thing they are criticizing
Or ask them how they would have done what they are criticizing.
You want to ask them this because they might give you some good information on how to overcome the problem that you face (if it is in fact a problem).
Before you even attempt to confront the person, look at them as a little child.
Because in a sense they are emotionally if they react to something that's not that serious in a hostile way.
And this will also help you to not get so upset at the things they say because most of us don't let little children get under our skin that much.
Give it a try!
17 comments:
something I tell my children all the time:
NEVER allow someone else to CONTROL your emotions.
I see.. make sense...
what do you have on ur site that keeps making it freeze? or is it just me? Makes it annoying coming here to read your posts.
good post.
i think this is something i DEFINITELY need to work on.
depending on who it's coming from, when someone says something mean about me, i get very defensive and sensitive. if it is a friend, usually they mean well.
but you're right, hurt people hurt people, so i shouldn't let it bother me.
and we all know to ignore some of the craziness that spills from the mouths of kids these days... so i guess if looked at that way, you're on to something.
it's hard though, turning the other cheek. very hard.
i always end up crying and wondering what they have against me. lol.
I agree with your technique except I don't think you should look at them like a little child. This may exacerbate the situation and give your honest attempt to communicate with the person a sarcastic undertone.
So, my advice is to take your advice, but with a sincere heart. This may make the person feel guilty for being so critical in the first place or at least think twice for not minding their own business.
Dudeeeee, it's all about random facts! It's not fun to argue with crazy people. They think you're crazy and not paying attention to what they're saying = they give up.
I like this advice, it is gracious and hopefully not condescending when applied.
James Tubman, always the thinking and moving forward type. I could stand to learn alot of things from you. Other times I end up paying for my actions. But at the time my replied actions set the record straight.
Either that, or I click the ignore button. They hate that.
@ Muze: but you're right, hurt people hurt people, so i shouldn't let it bother me.
stop talking about me, Muze. LOL.
Thanks for this - I need to memorize these :)
@don: hahaha.
guilty conscience?
lol.
I dont' agree at all. Thank them for being a asshole, ask a Asshole how you can better yourself, what?
It's alright if you are on some kind of medicine like Ritalin. There's only one way to handle a person like that and that is to strike back and put them in their place. This is like a bully if you try to plead with him you still going to get your ass beat. So only until you stand up to him will he recognize that he might take a couple to the face.
Stop taking the high road on things sometimes you have to go straight at people.
There are two ways to get Respect. Either they respect what you do or they respect what you might do to them.
'emotional basket cases mouths' RALMBO!!!!!!
Iono man, it's hard to look at grown folks as children.
I do see what you are saying though.
@i am j... the most sucessful people in this society learn how to control their emotions when it is necessary
letting them know that from jump street is a good idea in my opinion
thanks J
@lil sis... i have no idea
it might be the music thats taking a lot of memory
dont look at me :)
@muze... thanx for always being honest
it is soooooo refreshing
it is hard sometimes because we might actually start to think that its something WE did to cause them to criticize us
in 99% of the cases that is not the case
whenever someone criticizes us in a negative way and nothing was done to that person by us the problem is always with them
they have the problem not us, so when we react to their issue we make it our own
it takes practice if you are so used to thinking that we should respond negatively to their insult
im starting to laugh at them more
even though i shouldnt do that lol
most of the time i ignore them but sometimes i just wonder what's going on in this persons life to make them react like that to someone who could be there brother or something
they obviously must have problems
im glad you are stopping by here a lot
i really dig your input
@a hustla who is real... you are absolutely right
with one thing lol
you should respond to them out of sincerity
david lieberman talks about that in "make peace with anyone" which is where i got this one from
you dont want to come off sarcastically because that will exaserbate the issue
you have to be not only sincere but kind and maybe even flattering
they will feel guilty if you do it right
and this is how you get back at them and at the same time take the high road
your comment was very much appreciated
@cruzin through miami... i think thats the best way but sometimes those bastards can be creul
especially the women
just because you dont always gawk over them they think something is wrong with you
you aint all that lol
@blackberry... welcome
i realllly like that name lol
im sorry if i sounded condescending but i didnt mean it like that
you should be sincere when you implore these techniques
the LAST thing you want to do is be condescending
thanx for dropping a line
@the don dada... 99% of the time i ignore them
but when you give them attention you have to set them straight
i dont like flying off the handle
because when i do everybody better look out lol
@ticia... thank you sweetheart
ill stop by real soon :)
@freedman... your point is well taken
actually i take something better than ritalin lol
its st. johns wort
you are right, if someone is prohibiting you from doing something then you need to take other measures
but if the person has no bearing on what happens to you my philosophy is "who cares"
thanx though
@the mystery of the blogworld...
lol
it is hard for me sometimes to see them as grown children
when they act just like a child would it becomes easier though lol
thank you mystery
no prob james.
and, thank you.
*smiles*
u always give sound advice. ur like my very own dr. phil...but no, i hate dr. phil cuz he's a hack (but im sure you get the point)...
-KB
First off, whoever talks about you without tact deserves to get cussed out.
Since you're sensitive, like you say, then your strategy is a good one.
I still say that when folks do this they aren't your friends because they would know who you are as a person and they wouldn't come at you like this.
Good post. I may use some of this aside from my own tactics which is to cuss they azz out and keep it movin.
if your always around inconsiderable people... that says a lot about you and the type of people you attract...
probably should look in the mirror and check yourself rather than tiptoeing around the faults of others
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