Sunday, February 3, 2008

7 Ways You Can Get Anybody to Like You Anytime

This is probably the most important post I’ve ever done.

It really goes to the heart of what I’m trying to do in terms of giving concrete, workable solutions to our problems.

The majority of our solutions come from working hand and hand with others.

This will help us to get a better job, more discounts because of the buddy system, more breaks, more of everything we want in life because when people like us they’ll be there to help us out when we need it.

The ones who are pretty good at getting what they want from people have perfected thes skills whether consciously or unconsciously

This is why we have to do these things on a consistent basis

All meaningful relationships begin with these seven steps

Most of us try to act like we are dependent, but we all want to be liked by others

You should practice these steps whenever you have a chance

Some things you can visualize in your own mind

Some ideas you can get from others by seeing how they relate to others

These steps will help you to get something out of somebody even if you’ve done them wrong in the past.

Note: they don’t have to be done in any specific order

Sometimes you might only need one or two; sometimes you might need all seven

#1– Associate yourself with positive things

Create a positive mental image in the person’s mind; describe a beautiful vacation you are planning on having; learn a lot of funny jokes and tell them whenever you are around this person. Get them to talk about a positive experience they’ve had. Make them feel good by making them feel that when they come around you something positive is going to happen.

#2– Bring out the things you have in common

This step in and of itself can get the other person to like you in a heart beat, especially if the experience that the two of you shared was intense (like fraternity/sorority rituals or war stories). Doesn’t matter how small or insignificant it seems bring it up because it furthers the possibility that this person might genuinely like you; don’t over do it though.

#3- Emulate them whenever you can

We like those who imitate us. It’s funny but true. Even if you don’t think so you do so on a subconscious level. Whenever you are around this person and they put emphasis on a certain word wait a little while and speak it in the same way. If they cross their legs wait a little while and do the same. Before you mimic them make sure you wait a little while.

#4- Let the person know that you like and respect them by telling them so and by constantly keeping in contact with them

It’s important to let them know that you like them because this follows the law of reciprocation. This law states that we seek to give others what we were given from them. This is a powerful law. And you should be around them as much as possible. Some people might think that we eventually get tired of these people but actually, after a while they tend to grow on us. If you can’t be there physically, call, e-mail, text message to let them know that you are constantly thinking about them (not in a stalker’s way though).

#5- Be genuinely kind and warm and have a positive attitude whenever you are around them

Always see the positive in everything no matter how bad things seem. Always have a positive solution to every problem and make sure that you are nice and kind whenever you associate with this person. It doesn’t do any good to try and convince the person of how great you are, you will show your greatness when you are authentically pleasant and courteous even when times are hard.

#6- Get them to do a small favor for you

Something real simple is best. It doesn’t have to be anything big just make sure it’s something. You do this because when you do something for somebody there has to be a justification for it. So they’ll be willing to like you more because they don’t do something for people they don’t like.

#7- Whenever you make a mistake in their presence laugh about it

See the person with low self esteem and a low confidence level will try to act as if it didn’t happen thus showing they are ashamed of what happened. But the truly confident person isn’t afraid to reveal their flaws and realizes that having a sense of humor is necessary in order to get people to like you.

Some aditional stuff:

It always helps to smile, keep good eye contact and have good posture

these things will help you even if you are not feeling up to par

make sure you stretch a lot too (might wanna try yoga) because the body is most relaxed when the nerves and muscles are relaxed.

And have high expectations that everything will work out

When you have high expectations that things will go according to plan they usually do even if some unexpected things come up.

stop settling for less in your relationships. you have the power to change your partner for the better. if you have an open mind don't be afraid to click here to learn more.


Anonymous said...

You've done it again. A great read as usual. I acknowledge these steps, by observing those I communicate with.

Would you suggest that these are good tips when it comes to the workforce, especially with your boss?

That yoga thing, It doesn't look as simple as people make it out to be. Possible trading that for kung fu would be a better alternative. I agree with you when it comes to being able to relax and such things would have a higher calling.

James Tubman said...

hey sis

thank you

this is definately mandatory when your dealing with people in the workforce especially your boss

if you get your boss to like you you can definately get perks lol

i haven't tried yoga that stuff looks painful lol

kung fu is better because it teaches you self defense as well

Anonymous said...

Sure; Your welcome.
Yeah I figured its mandatory. I need to get that together so I won't be to scared when I go work in a law firm...
Exactly. I done watch some shows and dang i seen people struggling... oh hell no...
Yeah i'm going to put myself in a kung fu class... I need that stuff...

Danyelle said...

Another good post J! These steps really do work and they form lifetime relationships.

I just have a prob smiling when I'm out and about because Im very observant of my surroundings that I forget to do so. So, people often get the wrong first impression about me.

So Ima step my cheesin game up asap! Thanx

lindwee said...

I will try them out.

Ticia said...

These were great--
I need to work on myself a great deal---

No wonder I haven't been on a date in over a year.. SMH! Well, I am also not trying or going to be seen--

FREEDOM said...

This post is interesting because it is so TRUE!!

Our human interaction between each other is extremely important to maintain and build long lasting relationships. It is also true that we all have a deep desire to be liked by our peers within this society.

However, putting our best foot forward is how we achieve this “likeness” along with the steps that you laid out in this text. Once we put these principals into action we can produce results that lead to fruitful and lasting relationships.

I think we should perform these steps on ourselves as well. Sometimes the person that we really need to LIKE is oftentimes ME, MYSELF and I. Once this obstacle is put to bed, then and only then will we be able to allow others to like us genuinely and we like them back without sucking out all of their positive energy that has to get tiresome after a while.

This was a positive and helpful informative message that you brought to the table for “We the People” to view and interject into our lives so that we can have those successful relationships that will make life a little more sweeter than before.

Ps… I have taken some yoga classes before and they do teach you how to breathe and relax the mind and body. There are beginning moves so that you do not feel overwhelmed in the beginning. And the music along with the soft tone from the instructor is what soothes the mind and body while learning the different techniques.

Divine Blackness said...

So taking notes. And I'm with Koffee. I've done power yoga and it really didn't do much for me. TaeKwonDo, on the other hand....

fantasy queen said...

interesting read, altho sometimes i'm seating on mi own at work,and trying to form an attitude so wrong to avoid certain people warming up to me,but it just doesnt work cos it just seems to make em' like me, and try thir best to get my attention, crap! does this mean sometimes the opposite of this, like acting aloof really works?(i'm not advicing anyone to give the boss the attitude, u'd get fired and i earn enough for just

i so agree with freedoms comment on the liking our me, myself and i personality before we step out to let others like us, so true, something i've been working on.

Desy said...

those are definately some interesting suggestions. some, i may actually keep in mind. this one though...

#3- Emulate them whenever you can

i'm going to have to pass on. at the end of the day, i just cant be anything other than what i am. if by some chance i naturally possess traits that are similar or can be linked, then so be it... but if not, i have a twisted feeling about being liked on merits of 'being like you' when i'm not.

but, i've never really had a problem being liked... it's staying that way that i need to work j/k

K.Victoria said...

I can see these working with many people. While reading this, it made me think of the book "Laws of Power" by Robert Greene.

Very informative, Tubman!
.. and I love that Donnie on the main page.

Returning Truth Betold said...

great post. Your blog is quite informative.

anonymous gal said...

thank u james thank u. o my gosh u hv no idea wat ya post has done. just keep a date wit me next week monday u will know why im happy.

Shai said...

I guess I have to be the lone dissenter. LOL.

Not everyone is going to like me or vice versa. To emulate someone else sound so fake.

I have learned that you be you and if someone does not like it oh well. I know this cannot be in every situation. I just know that sometimes no matter what you do folks just ain't gonna like ya.

Shai said...

Tub, I have had bosses who just don't like folks. You can do your best and be cordial and whatnot, their attitude towards you is not always about you.

Simi Speaks said...

As always, ur true & relevant.

It's amazing how simple steps or changes we make can make huge differences in our lives.

1 thing tho, how does imitating others help been liked? kinda disagree. I think people 'preciate
the differences in friends. Imitating others will be short-lived. What happens when the real you comes out?

James Tubman said...

@dyme piece...just make sure you generate all the power you can in those skinny little bones you hit somebody lol

@danyelle...smiling is not mandatory but it does show acceptance which is what everybody wants

it shows an overall positive disposition

but you don't have to it all the time


@lindwee... i hope you do babes

and i hope you have success with it

@ticia - i'm gonna put out a post that will teach people how to be even more attractive than they are to the opposite sex soon

watch out for it

but the steps to get someone to like you and to get someone to be attracted to you go hand in hand

@free... even though it would be nice to like ourselves before try to get others to like us it's not mandatory

people who try to decieve others all the time act these steps out for the sole purpose of using somebody them for their own benefit

if we llike and love ourselves first then we can really get something out of the relationship because the person will know that we are genuine

thanx baby

@divine... i haven't talked to you in a minute

remind me to never try to piss you off knowing tai kwon do

we could be walking and i get an attitude then all of a sudden whack up a tai chi move right to the groin (women always go for that area on a man)

i will never be mean to you

anonymous gal said...

Good so i have read and digested evri thin. must say the are rite on point but i will pass on no 3 and 4. i dont see them workin 4 me.

eddiie said...

I think emulating works pretty well....

I think i have tried this particular one and was not that far...

Anonymous said...

I'm loving the list!

James Tubman said...

@my queen... once you get the person to like you then your real personality can show up

you can act the way you normally act but when you are first meeting each other you should act out any number of these 7 priniciples

and once the person starts to hate your real personality you get back to the 7 behaviors (you always have to do something to stay on the upper hand)

you said that they still like you even when you try to be standoffish

that's because you are very beautiful

and we tend to automatically like beautiful people

@desy... what's wrong with imitating others

we do it all the time

if imitating the movements of others is going to get you a bigger and better house, a $10,000 raise, your husband doing anything in the world to make you happy, i don't see why you wouldn't do it

@returning... hey


yayyyyy wooo hoooooo

glad you stoped by

come back anytime

@anaonymous... thank you for all of the love

i thought you were a hater lol

please, please, please e-mail monday to tell me what happened

i will be waiting on pins and needles for your response

@shai... again, what's so wrong about emulating others

you already do it

did you invent every word you say out of your mouth

did you invent every movement that you make


you had to have imitated others to be who you are today

this is what we do from the time we were infants

we imitate others to see how to best cope with life and to adapt to the demands of the world

this is how we learn

this is why it is so important to emulate and seek to be like the right people because if you imitate people like souljah boy (with his supermanning hoes) then you are gonna end up stupid

sit back and really think about all of the times you emulated other people and i guarantee you'll see that you've done it a lot lol

@simi... my brother

people do apprecite the differences in friends but first you have to MAKE THE FRIEND in order to appreciate the differences

during the process of making a friend you have to do any combination of these 7 things

THEN once you make the friend you can act anyway you want

and if you slip up too much and you still want this friend then go back to the seven habits

and on your first point ever heard the expression "imitation is the highest form of flattery"

it's true, think about somebody who imitated you before

doesn't it give you a nice feeling to know that somebody got something from you and is now using it themselves

it boosts the ego

it makes us seem important (because someone is actually relying on us for feedback)

in some cases it even makes us laugh to know that others like us so much that they are actually imitating us

and this is what the person is feeling when you are imitating them

they feel flatered thus this heightens the possibility that they'll like you more

try it

i guarantee someone will like you more if you do it

@anonymous... i am sensing that people don't want to emulate because people percieve it as fake and ungenuine refer to my comment for simi and shai

hopefully this will clarify the issue

oh and about number four

seems desperate but it works aftera while you won't have to do it as much

and they will actually like you more and respect you if you don't do it as much

but in the begining it's best to it for maximum effectiveness

remember this is not from little old me this comes from psychological testing and evaluation

@eddie... it might not work on the first time

give it some time

nobody can resist being liked for a long period of time because this is what we all want

keep trying

MsPuddin said...

This is great. Ive been really anti social lately and sometimes even around people I like to be around, I dont think I express that to them enough. A lot of times I get mistaken for being stuck up even..but I swear Im not. I dont judge people, you have to give me a reason to not like you...

James Tubman said...

i don't get the stuck up thing at all from your blog

you seem waaaaaaaaay down to earth to me

you seem like a sweetheart to me

but yeah, these skills will help you to get back into the limelight socially

good luck

fantasy queen said...

i'm beautiful.........i'm hanging on to that.

Bygbaby said...

Off topic but I just tagged you. Sorry to continue the vicious blog cycle!!! See my blog for the exciting details.


Anonymous said...

Dang James.. Leave my fat lil skinny bones alone..... If i could knock down some big ass dude... YOU better watch out!!! :D

desperate lady said...

dang JT ur beginning to make me think ur perfect and i'm scared of perfect people maaaan.
how've u been?

James Tubman said...

@dyme piece... you look small but i know you pack a punch lol

i don't wanna be no where near you when you mad lol

@desperate lady... why you worried about me now

i thought you thought i was high on hot air and had to be deflated lol

now you wanna talk

what's up wit u

Tamra said...

Hi James,

Great post! Many people don't realize that social relationships take work. A lot of it can be genuine, but a good portion of it is also, for a lack of a better work, a "game" that you have to learn to play. I don't mean game in a negative way--I mean it more with regard to strategy and tact, figuring out how to *best* work with different people, different personalities, etc.

Time after time I've found that with me and trying to build relationships, people don't get the reciprocation part of it. I'm big on the reciprocation thing. Not in a tit-for-tat way though.

Great advice.

You're going to get me hooked on your blog too now!

James Tubman said...

@tamra... hey girl

welcome to the party lol

you are absolutely correct

wining in relationships can be construed as a game

but it is a very important game and this game takes following the rules to win

but you have to know the rules

but the good thing is the rules are everywhere

but you have to learn them and apply them in order to win

please come again

KreativeMix said...

so so true!!! i concur with all of them. btw - i didn't do those paintings on the blog. i got them from, where i buy most of my prints and frame them. they have an awesome collection. during a good sale, you'll find some of those prints for as low as $5. they are gorgeous.

Don said...

Damn James, you're good. lol.

Everything you wrote is definitely the truth. While reading it...I was thinking to myself, "I wonder if so & on reads this dude's blog." Cause at least five of the things seem to be taking place in my life, as I speak.

I don't know how people are going to be able to oull this off on people who can spot fakeness a mile away. But, as you stated, I imagine there are so many people with low self-esteem in this society that they only end up talking themselves out of "recognized game."

You're deadly with The Gift, bruh.

Don't change...

James Tubman said...

you don't have to be fake to pull this off

just mainly talk about the things you have in common

people who genuinely love people will be able to pull this off in a heartbeat even with the devil lol

that last statement might be a little bit of an exageration lol

but you don't have to fake it because they will see it coming

everything should be natural

you should develop an overall positive dispositon so that way it will be easy to use these steps

Shai said...

Tub, you really missed my point. LOL. REALLY missed.

Shai said...

Not everyone will like you Tub so why try so hard either they do or they don't.

James Tubman said...

you must not like me very much lol

i'll respond to you later to try and get your point

James Tubman said...

they might not like you the first time you try but it's like choping down a tree sometimes you gotta keep doing it until it finally comes down

i don't care who they are every single human being on this earth wants to be liked by somebody

these skills come from dozens of tests by psychologists

don't blame me blame them babes lol


please give me something else lol

Anonymous said...

LMAO... man I'm harmless lol....

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the love :-) Actually the pics in the slideshow aren't of me...just the one in the profile.

Have a great weekend!!

The Paradigm said...

wonderful read. using them on my BOSS!!!! lol thanks

desperate lady said...

nigga guess what?

Fezzzzzzzzzzz said...

Cool post James...Thanks

James Tubman said...

@b-more... sorry lol

that woman looks a lot like you

thanks for stoping by though

@paradigm... good lol

i know it will work if you do it the right way

@dl... let me tell you something desperate lady

the black man is the Supreeme God and the Black woman is the Supreeme Goddess

never call anybody nor youself a nigga

now what happened

Lola Gets said...

Im going to try to keep some of these things in mind...itd be nice to find some folks that liked me enough to get me a decent job!


Shai said...

Tub, I think you miss the point. Not everyone will like you. LOL. I can understand being personable. I don't care if not everyone likes me. Some will some won't. That's life. Life is too short for me to try get everyone I meet to like me. I am not saying to have a bad attitude or offend. Just because someone does not like me does not mean I have a problem. LOL. People make assumptions, not like your ideas, or how you look or a big thing is the person may have issues that have nothing to do with you.

I will not waste my time trying to be pleasing to everyone cause that is crazy and impossible.

Yes, everyone wants to be liked however not everyone has to be liked by everyone.

A.C.T.I.O.N sista said...

This is funny! I wish everyone would try and work on being a more likable person all the time. Especially my students who love to complain. Question: why are people only amiable when they want something?

James Tubman said...

@lola gets... i'm sure there are plenty of people that like you (laughs)

freak having a boss

have your own business

be your own boss

that way people will be trying to use these skills on you

@shai... now did i say everyone (laughs)

you don't have to rty and get everyone to like you

hell, some people won't even give you a chance

like i've said before anybody can broken down if you do these things enough

if the relationship is very important you just can't give up

i got your opinion i believe that you can be liked by anyone if you have enough access to them and if you do what the psychologists say do

@a.c.t.i.o.n. sista... hey i know you lol

had to look up that word amiable

guess i should expect words like that from a professor lol

because we live in a selfish society where everytime we cut on the TV we are taught to be greedy and selfish

of course people were selfish before television but the average person has watched a lot of TV throughout their lives so they have picked up these values

we have no idea how much influence that idiot box has on us

some sociologists believe that 70% of everything we know comes from television

go figure

Eb the Celeb said...

OK... i dont know what's wrong with me today... but going back and reading all your stuff is really making me think... hey this do tubby might just know what he's talking about... good stuff here!

Eb the Celeb said...

But just so I dont leave here without really showing my personality...I dont live my life for other people to like me...LOL

you know I had to say something smart..LOL

Anonymous said...

I wonder how a person that no one likes can give advice to others on how to get people to like them... makes no sense at all