Sister’s: Sure Shot Formula for How to get what you want from any Man (I’m sorry about the length, but it might be helpful)

Women are often puzzled by some of the things that brothers do. For the most part, however, men are pretty easy to understand. If you all remembered this one rule you would know the basics on how to get anything you wanted from any man. That rule is this; men only do something or continue doing something if they think they’ll be appreciated for doing it.

Like I’ve mentioned before, men are easy to train. But in order to train them appropriately you have to do something that most 21stcentury Black women are afraid to do and that simply is; ask specifically and directly for what you want.

Why do women have a hard time asking men for what they really want? Most women instinctively feel that men should listen closely to the hints that they give so that they can intuitively know what their woman’s needs are. Because that’s how women interact with each other for the most part right?

Sorry to say it ladies, but if you think that your man is going to always be able to pass your tests and understand your indirect messages, you got another thought coming. Men are direct. If you want something from him you have to ask him directly for it.

This doesn’t always ensure that you’ll get it on the first try. However you are more likely to get it on the first try asking for it frontally than tip-toeing around it through subtle, indirect statements and innuendo.

Positive Reinforcement Process

Step #1 Ask him for the things he’s already doing.

This is the step that cultivates appreciation.

With this step you’re helping him out and yourself out at the same time because you’re showering him with acceptance every time he does what you asked him to do and you are getting yourself in the habit of asking for what you want.

Before he does normal things like open the door, call you at the end of the night or whatever small thing that you know he’s going to do, ask him earlier in the day to do it later on and when he does it shower him with appreciation and gratitude (you don’t have to over do it, just a smile, hug or thank you should do the trick).

Doing this is hard for women because they often give more than the man does. So some may figure, “why should I have to ask for these small things when I do so much more to try and make him happy?”

Because, in the long run, if you train him right he’ll want to do more to please you than he’s already doing.

There are 4 essential rules that you should keep in mind when you work on any of these steps

1) Be Brief and Direct. (No more than 2 or 3 sentences).

2) Use Would instead of Could. (Could implies that he could do it if he wanted to. Would says that you are directly asking for it.) ex. Would you call me later on, would you hold the door open for me wherever we go out, please. Etc.

3) Have a non threatening attitude when asking. (As soon as he feels he may be scolded for saying no he gets defensive.)

4) Ask at the right time. (not when he’s getting ready to do it and not when he’s heavily engrossed in something else.)


Step#2 Ask him for what you want even when you think he’ll say no

This is the acceptance step. What you’re trying to do is make him feel as if he has the option to say no if he wants. This is important because as soon as a man rejects a woman’s request (it was hard enough to ask him in the first place) she either scolds him right there with “well the least you can do is this, I’ve done this and this…” No!

You don’t want to do that. Don’t make him feel bad for not giving into your request. Just say OK! That’s it.

I know this is going to be hard for some women. Blog about it. Call a friend to talk about it later on, but whatever you do don’t take it out on him because, remember, you’re trying to train him to be obedient to your request. You might not believe it but he actually wants to be the best man he can be for you. But before he can be free to give unconditionally he has to know that he’ll be accepted unconditionally even if he doesn’t want to do it at that time.

So if you’re too tired to cook dinner ask him to take you out. If he says no say OK, and go on about your business. If you want to talk to him ask him in a very brief “would you” statement. If he says no, say OK, and roll. Most of the time he’ll say yes after thinking about it . He’ll say to himself “wow, she really didn’t get mad, maybe I should do it.”

So try that for a little while (keep at least a couple of weeks between each step).


Step#3 Ask even when you think he’ll say no then wait there till he says yes

This is the “puppy dog technique.” It is designed to build trust.

Alright. He’s really starting to respond to you, but there are still some things he will not do. You’ve tried asking him over and over but yet he won’t budge.

Now you should ask him using the four techniques from the first step and stand there and wait till he does it. Don’t give him any mean looks. Don’t give him any sad puppy dog, getting ready to cry looks. Just stand there and wait for him to perform the duty.

The first thing he’ll probably do when he doesn’t see you leaving him alone is bitch and grumble.
This is actually a good sign. He’s weighing whether or not he should do the job for you. Don’t get angry don’t listen to his words, just ignore them and continue to stand there.

If he really wasn’t even considering you’re decision he would say no in a calm tone and he probably wouldn’t care if you stood there or not. But if he’s bitchin he’s thinking about doing it.

Now he might try to bait you into saying something so he can get a whole argument started. He might say something like “I’m tired.” You say “I’m tired too. Would you do this for me, please.”

Whatever he comes at you with knock it down and come back with the same question.

Eventually he’ll do it. Now you know brothers can say some pretty mean things when we’re mad. Deal with it because you’re doing this not only for you but for him as well.

As he’s performing the act he’ll start to realize how much he loves you and he’ll all of a sudden be glad that you held your ground enough to let him convince himself to do it.

When he get’s finish, don’t cuss him out and call him a whole bunch of dirty you know what’s. Greet him with loving arms. He’ll feel like a million bucks because he knows that you truly trust him to do what you ask.

So follow these steps if you ever feel like you’re not getting what you really want out of the relationship. I know that it will work for you.

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