Thursday, March 6, 2008

Brothers: 3 characteristics of a mature black man and Sisters: how to know if a man is right for you

There comes a time in a every man's life when he has to put down his childish things and pick up the tools of manhood. He might not want to, but he has to, because the life of not only himself and his family, but also the community and his people as a whole depends on it. It's so much easier to take on the immature characteristics of the culture that we live in without questioning them because we see them everyday acted out on the television, we hear them in the music that we listen to and we see them acted out in other peoples behaviors including our own.

The Men who put out these advertisements and put the silliest black people they can find in front of our faces know about these three characteristics all to well and you can bet they follow them to a T. Now this doesn't mean that you can't have fun. But you have to be able to master yourself when the you know what hits the fan. You can't just sit back and wait for the perfect time or come up with some kind of excuse on why the most responsible thing to do shouldn't be done. No! We as men, even though many of us haven't been taught to be real men, still have to adopt these three habits of maturity because our wives and children will need us to have these when times get hard.

So what are the three major signs that indicate maturity in a man.

#1 A Man Must Stay Calm and Cool When Times Get Rough

Whether in a relationship when the two are on a verge of a fight or when all luck has ran out and you need to pay the rent for next month. A man stays relatively relaxed and focused on the outcome when the world seems to be crashing down around him. Brothers, women out here don't need an emotional basket case for a man because in most cases they already are one lol. So we have to be that rock, menchkeit or whatever people call it when the man is under pressure but responds to that pressure with a thorough understanding of his role and an unshakable confidence that will permit him to handle his business.

#2 A Man Must Have Healthy Relationships

A mature black man knows how to establish and maintain healthy relationships. An immature black man doesn't see the necessity for relationships because they are so involved in themselves and their own wants and needs. Look at our relationships with our relatives and friends. Do we have any close friends? Jawanza Kunjufu, a Black psychologists from Chicago said that a man is more likely to be successful and continue to have success in life when he has at least one close male friend that he is free to share his personal stuff with. It can be your brother, cousin or some other person in your family but you better know how to establish healthy relationships with others because you will never maintain one with the woman you're seeing or with that person that might give you your golden opportunity to make more money if you can't do it with a select few.

#3 Men Must Have A Purpose Greater Than Their Own Desires

In the post about the 7 qualities of manhood and in how to stop from being addicted , it talks about how having a goal frees you from being overly addicted to your partner and helps you to become a full fledged man in the process because a man's purpose in life is to give back to the society from which he came and make it better than it was. He feels most like a man when he's serving his role in life. For the ladies, watch the guys who seem as if they just care about themselves and not anything or anybody else because that's a hint on how he's going to treat you and that also means he's no where near maturity. Being self centered and gaining value solely based on how others see you is the most obvious and destructive form of immaturity in a man. Make sure you get one that cares about his people. Brothers make sure that you are a man of the people. Women instinctively look for these qualities in a man. If found they can be quite stimulating for her so take heed.

stop settling for less in your relationships. you have the power to change your partner for the better. if you have an open mind don't be afraid to click here to learn more.


Eb the Celeb said...

I came to a couple solutions myself recently Tubby... hope you dont mind the fact that I mentioned your name in it!

fantasy queen said...

well spoken, but i've got to say two emotional basket cases bring forth one big sane

about the self centeredness, i think two much mtv's and bets' are so saturated in the heads of the dudes of today, all they care about is the blinks and the wheels, the drinks and the labels. it kind of sucks. its always refreshing to find one who's well grounded.

you've given the characteristics, now you need to give the sisters tips pn how to find

read eb's 'mention' of you...very HOT!

Divine Blackness said...

I seeee....and exactly at what age can I except to come across (notice how I didn't say look for..aha) a gentleman who has these characteristics? Does it vary? Or is trying to date a brotha between the ages of 23-26 a joke?

Anonymous said...

Divine blackness lol...sounds like me lol... I hear what your saying...
lol @ dating a brother between the ages of 23-26 a joke?.. its the one that we tend to come across...

the post make sense...
I don't think its about age.. Its more so the person... I think everyday we come across someone who has these characteristics but its nothing because there is no interest or whatever there...

Correct me if i'm wrong... Sometimes I think we know someone isn't right for us right away but we let our heart cloud our minds. Our guts tells us something and truth is its MOSTLY right.

I am J said...


Shai said...

I agree. LOL.

I have to say alot of men don't want to put in the work. Why when so many times they get away with not being their best. Yeah, I am sarcastic because even the ones who you know can be mature don't choose to be.

Cluizel said...

Interesting post...

Fezzzzzzzzzzz said...

"women emotional basket case for a man because in most cases they already are one"... lol

I don't know much about women, but isn't an emotional man what they like?

True about maturing and keeping calm...I need more of that in my life. Great post

Opinionated Diva said...

Shai girl...I so agree with you.

Even the ones that know better, choose not to do better...and you know why that is??? Because too many women are quite comfortable with allowing a man to do ANYTHING. They're just so happy for the attention...they don't even care if it is negative attention.

Have you seen that Bust It Baby (or whatever the damn song is) youtube video? No? Google is disturbing!

@ Tubby...good topic. I just wish you would put more of that charming personality and humor of yours (maybe even include an experience of yours) in these posts. Would make 'em more relatable!

Shai said...

Yeah, Opinated D. I remember as a teen my mom talking about men having a little boy in them and how it can come out. LOL. I get it NOW!

Funny how as lil girls we are already getting prepped to be a woman, ie. playing house and even helping around the house. SMH.

James Tubman said...

@eb... so no comment abot the work huh lol

thanx a lot (sarcastic tone)

@queen of the naija fantasies... don't think that lol

2 overly emotional people are very dangerous together lol

it's best that someone is grounded and thinks of things mainly in cause and effect terms

i am going to post something about where to find the ones but just like koffee dyme said a lot of women run into good men everyday and don't pay them any attention

you gotta be ready when they appear

@db... missed you gurl

i'm between 23 and 26 and i'm ok lol

it's a lot of us guys out there but you shouldn't expect all of them to be as smooth as me lol

more than likely they are gonna have a lot of flaws

but it doesn't make them bad people

black women have to realize that they have to take responsibility for their own relationship

if you want something just like you go out and get it in the real world you have to get it with the one you like

no difference

@d'lee... i love this name

koffe dyme was much cuter though

excellent point about women seeing good men all the time but having no interest

i don't blame black women for having high expectations and some for being high maintenace

but make the man into what you want him to be

this is the true test of an independent woman

if it's not there create it

the last point you made was good too

missed u

@shai shai, hush hush, only god can judge miss shai lol

but what does that tell you

read my post "the reason why our relationships fail" and you'll have your answer on how to treat a man when he acts up

@fezzzzz...i think that women want a man who is sensitive not emotional

what's the difference

emotional men go crazy when things aren't going their way

sensitive men are aware of the fact that acting a fool is not going to solve the problem and it will drive crazt the one they love so they don't do it

the sensitive man is aware of the woman's needs and he fulfills them when he can

@op d... u are so right

but everyone needs motivation

when u give into his desires u are rewarding him for acting that way

"reason why relationships fail"

and u are so right about that too

i need to incorporate my personality into my material

it seems like people are more interested in me than my work lol

Shai said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lovebabz said...

Started a love list...100 things I want in my next soul mate at my blog. I do believe I have chosen well in the past. Some love affairs last as long as they are meant to and then they morph into something else. I agree woman have to take responisbility for their love affairs. I don't know how to speak to mean as boys. It has been a long time since I had to deal with that sort of foolishness...perhaps since High School. I do know there is no convincing in love.

Anonymous said...

Well James, D'lee is my real name... the shorter version.... but hey ppl still be calling me Koffee Dyme so do what you please...

You know on the creation process. It make sense. I mean i feel a man will look at a woman and expect her to speak up or whatever... oh my gosh Brother Jay... am i crazy for thinking back on me and the ex and all these things you post about building a relationship? I'm just trying to say i see it.. but i never knew it...

Don said...

Well, Ive failed @ number 2 how many times...

I can honestly say that I dont have much of a problem with number 1 or number 3. But number 2 has been a constant thorn in my side since I dont know when.

Hopefully the next time Ive involved in a real relationship...I will have learned from my past mistakes. I feel I have.

James Tubman said...

@lovey dovey... you help a man most by not taking his garbage

he'll respect you for that

however it's not your responsibility to change a an adult male into a man

but you will help him by challenging him to be a better man for you

@d'lee trecia... uh oh

some dormant feelings are coming up

maybe you shouldn't read my blogs for a while lol

naw, sometimes we missed the ones we had

it's normal

you know there's nothing there

or maybe there is

you have to figure that out yourself

maybe you just want somebody

even the strongest people get lonely sometimes

@the don of ATL... i've failed at 1 and 2 many times and i still have issues

you have to learn from your mistakes

i'm working on my audiobook it's called CRUNCH TIME

it's about what blacks should do in pressure situations

you should cop it dawg it's good

sorry for the shameless promotion but we all need this stuff

Mizrepresent said...

Oh, i love this post James...u tell' are you that man?

Anonymous said...

nah just saying its funny how u already know of such stuff but you don't realized it until you read or hear of such signs and think back to the past.. it just tells your a NATURAL....

deepnthought said...

Why have I been so lax in my reading. This was an awesome post. Yet, as always, I am late to the party.

Queen of My Castle said...

Loved the post, and I agree about women wanting a man that has confidence, both in himself and her, especially during difficult times. Most women don't mind following and being the man's backbone as long as we know that they, the men, are confident in what they are doing and have our and the children's best interest at heart.

James Tubman said...

@mizrepresent... i will be in a few months lol

things are really looking up

and i'm starting to take care of my business

thanx for inquiring

@d'lee trecia... i can't take complete credit for it but i have come to some of these conclusions in my own life

thanx for your warm comments

@deepnthought... been a long time hun

i'm glad u came by

i'm glad u got something from it too

lately i've been late to your party and i'm sorry for that

@the castle has a queen in it...

that's what we need

the man has a big responsibility to fulfill

we have to venture away from the cave and face the elements, other cave men who want what we got and a host of other stuff out there

we have to build things and create new technology so that we can make things easier for human beings

it's the job of the woman to give us the love and support we need to do this

FREEDOM said...

It is amazing how the same characteristics of a Mature Black Man are ALSO the same characteristics of a Mature Black Woman.

A Mature Black Woman also MUST display these three Major Characteristics/Signs:

“#1 A WoMan Must Stay Calm and Cool When Times Get Rough

#2 A WoMan Must Have Healthy Relationships

#3 WoMen Must Have A Purpose Greater Than Their Own Desires”

It is quite astonishing how some characteristics are universal for both sexes.

Great post JT!

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